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About

Sophia is an eighteen year old dreamer, lover, skater, deviant, singer, artist, actress. model, rebel, lazy bum, otaku, frag doll, coffee-addict, pessimist, single-and-pretending-to-be-happy-about-it, overscheduled, undersexed, buys any magazine that says 'healthy body image' on the cover and every two years takes up knitting for...a week.

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In La-La Land Wednesday, April 04, 2007 |

Okay. I was suppose to meet my papa for lunch at ATC then meet my mom for dinner at Gateway. Yeah yeah, that is what you get when your parents get divorced, two visits, two meetings and whatnot. anyway. I got lazy and called them and told them I'm sick =P

My sisters got to watch Sunshine (the cool new movie) yesterday and they said it was cool, almost as good as 300. I'll be watching that one on Sunday.

I spent the whole morning at my favorite places. Gloria Jean's and Timezone at Megamall. haha. I wish I brought my skates, I wanna go skating so baaaad.

I saw this guy who is very good at Guilty Gear XX and he was using Bridget. so cool!, with all the yoyos and teddy bears. And I find it nice and cool when people queue on the game Tekken (this one was on club synergy) when someone is playing, you put your token beside the token slot so after he dies you get to play next, I find it better than credit queues (usually on drummania, where people put so many credits on the game, sometimes it is hard to follow who's next or something)

Anyway, It's holy week. I think I'll be spending my weekend just here at home completing my priest set =p (I'll post about that later, god, so geeky)

All the dirty trappings of love Tuesday, April 03, 2007 |

I'm back! I'm still alive. It's been a while, so let me start by putting a half-year worth of thoughts.

In the days that I was not blogging, not going online and in most time i spent on Italy. I learned to be an adult. The prospect of having to leave the comforts of school life and home and venture out into the world of the earning and working leaves me shaking in my boots. I’m terrified of what I can do, of what I can’t do. I sometimes feel that there is a certain degree of deficiency in me that I should deal with first before I do anything grand. But there is always the hope of being complete, of things turning out for the better despite our misfortunes.

I learned to love. And not just the kind of love a woman has towards a man, but love that you can give to another human being without question. But I also learned that in loving, we are most vulnerable to pain. I learned to hate someone and it is because of that that we feel pain acutely that ever. It’s only because we love so much that we feel pain in equal magnitude.

I learned disappointment. I learned that you can only take things so far- that you’ve tired your hardest. And because things fail, people cannot blame you for it. I learned that if you really want something, you go for it; you reach for the moon and do it.

I learned what family is all about. Sometimes the family you have isn’t the one you’re supposed to be in. I can now say that I don’t want anything to do with my father’s side of the family. And for all the years to come, I finally wash my hands free of them. So what is family?

I leaned to be a friend. Not just your nominal friend that remains to be an acquaintance, but a friend that truly misses someone’s company; a friend who you do stuff with without any care in the world. I learned to be someone to another.

I have finally understood the type of man I would like to be with. And no, there hasn’t been anyone for me. But the general idea is there. We need more well-adjusted males. Not the type who merely just opens doors and gives up his seat (although that is very much appreciated by the majority of the female persuasion), but the type of man who is a doer- who works hard to attain his goals and is ready to take over the world and light it up with a blow torch; the type of man who knows how to respect, not just his superiors but also his inferiors. A man of initiative is always sexy. I want a guy who understands my eccentricities- who will thinks that being a Harry Potter fan or a Ragnarok Online junkie is worthwhile (that also translates to me being a geek), that I have a rather unhealthy amount of boylust towards Dr. McDreamy, and that when he holds my hand, he knows what my greatest insecurities are. I want that “real feeling and commitment bred by familiarity and accord… the type of tension and nonverbal communication between two people that was tangible, filling a room or even this clearing in the middle of nature.”

And finally, I learned to be myself. I guess despite every lesson learned, this was probably the hardest. It was this lesson that I earned it with great sacrifice to myself and that is never easy. I learned that I am capable of great love and equally, a great amount of hate. I learned that other people are affected by my actions, that I am capable of nurturing someone and even damaging someone. I learned that I am different, really different from everyone. I don’t want to fit in anymore. I don’t want to fit into the mold my friends think of me.