Limited Hate

Hello!

2009-03-02T21:15:00.001+08:00

Oh my, I neglected this again. Sorry dear readers!
Anyway, as requested by a friend.

note to self

2008-10-31T15:08:00.000+08:00

http://pinoydsl.net/viewtopic.php?t=3916

Started as a profile update. Spawned into this.

2008-07-08T19:57:00.000+08:00

I wish I could tell you that I have normal dreams about walking into my crowded high school naked. I wish I could say that I don't talk to myself and/or inanimate objects out loud, after naming them something catchy like Edward Runnywick. I wish I could tell you that I didn't fall more in love with book/TV characters then I do with real people. I wish I could say that I neither care to read books nor ever consider writing one. And I really, really wish I could tell you that I'm the same as every other regular person on the planet. But I can't.

I dream about adventure, loss, and pain, where everything is adrenaline infused and entirely out to get me [though I somehow remain oddly detached and fearless, maintaining the pretense of urgency while somehow knowing it's all a dream at the same time]. I have never, ever gone to a "crowded" high school, attending instead a tiny, private school that I manage to be entirely too fond of and loathe at the same time.

I talk to myself [and others occasionally] in various accents, and I had a very long friendship with the third bathroom stall in my elementary school's hallway. We used to discuss math, though I never named him. I have also named the parrots on my wall [the lizards remain untitled as of now]. The crazy eyed one: Jasper. The biggest one: Emmet. And the unique, sly blue one: Edward [of course].

I could say that I've been in love before. But that would be lying. The truth is Peter Pan held my heart for a while. So did Alex Rider. And many, many other literary figures filled with snark. But I seem to play it closer to the literary vest now. And am proud to say that Edward Cullen never owned me in the least. Though I think about him sometimes. Just to figure him out.

I broadcast my thoughts via the viral miracle Twitter. I blog here. I frequently visit the Stickam community. In my spare time I work on 1 of the 15 or so book plots I have formulated [in various stages of outlines and written chapters]. And I am proud to say that I have hit the 50,000 word mark twice quite to my own astonishment. [though I have to sadly admit I've never yet finished a novel].

I think it's safe to say I'm not ordinary [mallrat] at all.

rabble rabble rabble

2008-06-23T19:03:00.001+08:00

phew. today is the first day i have taken it easy in a while. i'm catching up on some internet-related things that i owe various people, watching tv & nursing my blistered feet. i still have some assignments due for school and exams. i will be done by teusday afternoon but i should definitely start studying.. eek!

my blogging(or lack of thereof) has been lame lately. big exciting things to come though!

are you still proud of being a filipino?

2008-05-27T18:17:00.002+08:00

New York Times Op/Ed features a piece entitled: Invading Myanmar For Its Own Good

I think many of the arguments apply to invading the Philippines--and not just for its own good but for the Asian region, if not the world! It's leaders are adept at foisting tragedy on their own people...even without the natural disasters, though they know how to when that sort of thing happens too. Will somebody please save us. Honestly this is worse than Burma because we know better and we just don't deserve this Hell. Most Pinoys will surely help! How about it Uncle Sam?

I think the Philippines could easily become so ungovernable and descend into social chaos--say a combination of Somalia and Myanmar--that in its own interest the United States would be forced to take drastic action, much as she would not at all like to, or given her stretched-too-thin military, be unable to! The scenario under which this might happen is easily imaginable with the CPP leadership struggling with its aging kidneys and running out of time, and the Malaysians running out on the increasingly al Qaeda influenced Moro insurgents.

friendships

2008-05-02T07:09:00.002+08:00

I’m a Writer, Really

2008-04-27T18:27:00.002+08:00

At this point, I’m left without a choice but to accept that I am a writer. Because sometimes, I wonder.. if I’m not a writer, then what else am I? If I’m not gonna write, what else am I to do? If I can’t be good at writing, where else could I be good at? It actually takes a lot of courage to admit these things to myself (which I have to do every single day by the way).

I am what most people would call a jack of all trades, master of none. Let me explain further.

Back then, it was Web Design that I was seriously pursuing, and I’d spend hours and hours self-studying my way around it, making myself familiar with Adobe Photoshop, Frontpage (jurassic era) and MX Dreamweaver. My pursuit, however, only allowed me to go as far as creating cute blog layouts for my own pleasure and enjoyment, and for friends and online contacts who, perhaps, were just supportive rather than impressed with my work, hehe. I design, by not really.

I’d want to be a guitarist too, but my rockstardom didn’t reach farther than the four corners of my room. I play mostly piano, which I do in church, and once in a while, with friends. Playing these two instruments is an art I haven’t mastered yet. Often, I find myself wishing that I’m better at them. Oh, and I sing too, and I could pick up a mic and sing along with a videoke just right, or blend in anytime with our church’s praise and worship team, but my vocal aesthetics is not enough to take me places. I’m a musician, but not really.

Now, I dream of pursuing serious photography. I have seriously thought of investing on a DSLR, with the hopes that maybe, just maybe, I could excel in this particular field and be confident about it. But, as expected of me, I still haven’t made the essential steps to pursue this because more than the financial investment I have to consider, I still fear that just like web design and music, I would probably just end up wallowing in mediocrity and wasting my money. Such pessimism I have, yeah, thanks. Hehe. I’m a photographer wannabe, but not really.

And then there’s writing.

Sometimes I wonder why after all these years of writing, I still have to convince myself that I am a writer. Writing is not like something I tried to pursue, I just found myself doing it. And unlike web design which I had to work out on, I didn’t spend hours consciously harnessing my writing skills. And unlike playing the guitar and piano on which my parents made me take lessons for, I didn’t take any particular subject or training that contributed to my writing now.

Writing for me sort of just happened. And I didn’t really think I excel at it, it’s just something I had to do. Because if I don’t write, I can’t seem to imagine myself doing anything else. Because I love doing it (even though at times it doesn’t love me back). And because sometimes, I hate doing it too (even during those times I have no choice but to do it).

The existence of this love-hate relationship with writing makes me convinced that I am a writer. I must be one. I mean, aren’t all writers love writing and hate it too at one point or another?

Now, that I'm in college, I'm taking up creative writing. Now, I have more reasons to accept reality and believe that I’d most likely spend my entire life doing this. But let me tell you more about that another time.

Oh Hai! Im stuck in a moment.

2008-04-20T18:51:00.004+08:00

Just to let you in on what’s happening in this wonderful, wonderful life of mine (it IS wonderful, mind you), I’m currently threading another crossroad — one I never thought I’d find myself in at this point in my life.

..and I’m excited and scared and restless. As if I’ve never been more sure and more uncertain at the same time. Seth Godin hit the nail hard in the head when he said, “if it doesn’t cost your life, it isn’t a quest.”

I’m thinking it through, weighing things down, waiting for the right signals. But one thing for sure — I’m turning 18 this year, and a quest is just what I need.

drama

2008-01-06T19:33:00.000+08:00

first of all, if you hate drama or isn't involved in this thing then don't bother reading, second, why am i posting this on blog? this started on someone's blog, grew up on blogs so i might as well have my say on my blog.

i just have to say things for myself

first, to my mom, i dunno how you got of that pictures, but i guess you indeed read my friend's blogs, friendster, multiply and myspace. im really sorrry, i dunno what got into me, call it a sudden loss of judgement, i know saying "i'm drunk" won't excuse what i did. ok for the record, i was pretty wasted that night, you can see from the pictures. BUT, i didn't do any drugs or whatnot that night. really really not. FINALLY nothing happened that night, contrary to whats obvious in the pictures, i didn't had any sex that night to one guy or to multiple guys, i was just drunk, playing around, maybe the guys took a little advantage of me, YES, i agreed for them to take pictures, YES, i posed for some explicit, but SEX. NO!

second to the guys (formerly my friends?), WTF!? OH i guess saying it will be just for memories, means POSTING IT ON MY MULTIPLY SITE!? I was stupid for letting you take pictures of me and doing things with you. OMG i was stupid for even going out with you guys.

third, to my girl friends who were with me that night. WTF?! you were just there watching them play with me. WTF!? OMG i feel so betrayed.

to everyone who have the pictures please just delete =( (who am i kidding?)

*sigh*

Kim Possible

2007-12-29T22:30:00.000+08:00

I had therapy today (with my 16 year old cousin kimberly as my therapist) and it really helped, I realized that life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you well, forget about those who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

The fat lady is singing

2007-12-24T11:37:00.000+08:00

Now. The Party’s Over.

Hysteric Blue!

2007-11-05T19:29:00.000+08:00

Hysteric Blue was a pop-punk band consisting of Tama (vocals), Naoki (guitar), and Takuya (drums). They debuted in 1998, and unfortunately disbanded in early 2004 due to the rape case of Naoki. Tama is currently in a band called The Screaming Frogs.

My introduction to Hysteric Blue was a typical one– I thought I was listening to a Judy and Mary song. In the summer of 2003, I was a big fan of Judy and Mary. I bought a compliation album just because there was one of their song I haven’t heard of in it. In the same album, a Hysteric Blue “Grow Up” was also featured, so I became interested in them right away. Of course, my first impression was that they sounded like Judy and Mary.

The more I listen to them, the more I realized that they were really different. Tama can sing in different voices. “Ashita” is a great example of this; she started out in a somewhat “normal” voice and suddenly shift to her cutesy voice, remaining that way for the rest of the song. There are other songs that shows the cute, energetic side of the Tama’s voice, such as “Chokkan Paradise”, while more serious songs like “Ame Agari” portrays a completely different version of her.

Some of the songs show such great emotions. While I don’t understand the lyrics, as they are in Japanese, I really love “Daisuki”. There is just so much emotion in her voice, especially during the chorus. Towards the end, there is just so much power in the song that I can really feel.

As I listen to some of my favorite Hysteric Blue songs, I think how I miss them and wish they would still be around (or that The Screaming Frogs do “proper” music and become more popular). I just got into Japanese music a few years ago, and Hysteric Blue was one of the first bands I really liked. Although I change favorites and obsessions a lot, I always loved Hysteric Blue. Their stuff is pretty hard to find, but I will continue “discovering” them and collecting their products whenever I can.

Here's one of their songs, Chokkan Paradise.

and i can't go back

2007-11-02T18:14:00.000+08:00

and i can’t go back.

now understanding the reality of life. misperceptions of our human condition dissolving away. life that is but a vapor, quickly vanishing. here for a moment and gone the next. conforming no longer, my treasure is not here. naked i came, naked i will go. beauty, wealth, their high opinion of me…all is nothing.

and i can’t go back.

no longer ignorant to things i cannot see. no longer blinded by things that i can. knowing that there is more than they acknowledge. opened to a reality i cannot turn from. no longer able to sit in silence as they reject you. how could i deny what i already know to be true? the rooster will crow, but you will still be my God.

and i won’t go back.

a slave to that which sets me free. bound by a love even the most righteous do not deserve. in but not of, i am set apart. an alien in a foreign nation, longing for my home. a home so far away and yet still…so close.

and i won’t go back.

tears that i’ve cried. emptiness i’ve fallen into. fleshly wounds exposed, as i buried my face in the dust. but touched by the only one who can heal. formed into something better. humbled, changing, as i become more of who i was intended to be. finding the deepest joy in what you have called me to do. realizing the intricate complexity of your love so simple. a paradox encompassing the whole truth. a love so vast poured into my life so small. may i overflow, may i overflow. with the only thing i live for, and the greatest thing i can give.

and i will press forward.

- - -

anyway, posting this from what i consider the best place in the whole world

Scalinata della Trinità dei Monti

when PMS stikes

2007-10-15T19:28:00.000+08:00

"Can i sit here?"

Sure. I mean No.

"Are you with someone?"

No. Not at all.

"So nobody gonna use this vacant chair? So i can seat here?

No. No.

"Are you ok?"

Im not. I mean yes i'm fine but you can't seat here.

"Why not?"

Because i don't want to.

"You're rude."

Yes i am. Now leave me alone.

"Who's with you?

I'm with myself. I said leave me alone.

"You look cute."

Thanks. Leave me alone.

"What's your name?"

Lisa. Leave me alone.

"Where are you from lisa?"

"Pasig. Leave me alone."

"Do you have boyfriend?"

I don't have one. For pete's sake leave me alone.

"Why do you want me to leave you alone?"

Because i don't talk to stranger.

"We are talking."

What do you want?

"Your number."

You wish.

"You're not going to give it to me?"

Why should i?

"Im not that kind of guy lisa."

I know. You're worse.

"Someone is bitter here."

What's your name?

"Jericho."

Lets play a game then jericho. You give me 5 good reasons why should i stay here in my seat and talk to you. If i'm convinced, I'll give you my number.

"You're weird. But i like weird people like you."

Your reason?

"Fine. As you can see, I'm not that goodlooking but yes i have looks. I'm a decent man. I can take you out for dinner. I'm from a well family. And i'm not trying to hook up on you. Now where's your number?"

Now, I'll give you my 5 good reasons why i want you to leave me alone. If you're convinced walk away and don't look back. Okay?

"Deal."

First, Your handsome. I don't like handsome guys. There just pain in my ass. Second, If you're a decent guy, and you know how to be decent, you will wait for me to finish my food before talking to me. Third, I have guy friends who can take me out for dinner. I don't need another one. You're from a well family. I can see that. And you left your mom on the other table just to ask for my number. I can see clearly that you're from a well family. Lastly, You said you don't want to hook up on me. I fucking don't believe you.

"You know what lisa, You are such a bitch.

I know. Now leave me alone. And by the way, Its Arianna.

Harvard Girls!

2007-10-12T20:17:00.000+08:00

do you know that I can drift backwards?

2007-09-28T17:09:00.000+08:00

I am addicted to Initial D, the anime, the manga, the arcade game and cars in general. Ask Frannie, most things I talk about these days are drifting, how to turn properly at Irohazaka, my times at Tsukuba and why naturally aspirated cars are better then turbo charged ones. I'm addicted to drifts I wanna drift in real life =(

Anyway funny little quiz. I got Mako funny we drive the same cars and yeah, I should focus more, keep my eyes on the road and remember to counter steer.

You're not bad. Just... keep your eyes on the road, and calm down.

Et si c'était vrai

2007-09-22T22:50:00.000+08:00

goodbye.

That exhibit of mine!

2007-09-21T18:50:00.000+08:00

Plug! I'll be having an exhibit at UP Diliman, (c/o the nice fine arts people at UP Diliman). I will have my own corner to put my stuff. I'll be mostly putting up photographs, prints, and some watercolor paintings and pencil crayon arts. I'll be on next week, wed to sat. ^^

In case you're going (or if you're there), you can text me and so I can be there just for you, but to be sure, I will be there after classes about 2pm onwards. Everyone, Please come!

a message to you...

2007-09-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

Do you know this girl?

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She's too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool . . . why can't all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't be cause to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she still is.

It takes two to tango and one to let go.

2007-09-19T19:17:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had a great day?
You know like one where you smiled all day, your friends kept you laughing and you we're just really really happy?

And then you're on your way somewhere. Anywhere really.
But suddenly, you don't feel happy.
The children playing on the streets don't make you smile.
A happy couple doesn't make you smile.
Watching a family have fun together just makes you sad.
Basically, it's like you weren't even happy just a few minutes ago.

Then you just feel unhappy.
Grr. Like you want to cry.

EEK. I felt that today after lunch.
It was raining and it was gloomy.
Wala lang.
It felt weird and sad and well, really weird.

Because I am very bored, I have been looking at every folder, file, document, picture and anything saved in my computer. I have found very interesting pictures.

Very old ones actually. Some when I was in Alabang, some in Bel-air, some in Seoul, some in New York, some at Rome. I just realiazed that I lived in so many places, seen so many sights, done so many things.

Oh and Yesterday was an entertaining day.
We had a photoshoot with Seventeen magazine.
Daniel and his little sister Anya were with us.

You're so worth the fight

2007-09-15T19:03:00.000+08:00

In other words. RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I just need to breathe from a million things. A million and one things.
I seriously just need to breathe.

I'm confused. I'm too confused. I hate this feeling.

Today was a little bit crappy. It was good in the end. (in school) I had lunch with my girlfriends. ANDD. My favorite KINKY guy came :D HAHA. (Iggi)
We went to the arcade stayed there for about 1 to almost 2 hours. It relieved stress. I <3 Initial D v. 4, although I suck at it but I'm learning now, penalty cancel, understeer ek-ek and how to turn w/o hitting the wall!

Now I'm at home, I'm going to need to relieve stress again.
I'm gonna try and relax. I'm going to watch Ratatouille (is that right?). Well, whatever. The rat movie.

It seems that my mission addiction on Eve is back (thanks to Jared!) which is good and bad or whatever, I'm confused. I'm too confused. I hate this feeling. Someone give me a great CNR fit. The one that fits with 900 CPU and doesn't use capacitor relays and can run the booster forever. Ok, that's too geeky.

I need to tank this.

PS: Mmmmmwah!

Bonjour, Ça va ?

2007-09-06T17:55:00.001+08:00

sometimes I love you sometimes I don't

2007-09-03T19:45:00.000+08:00

I've been sitting here for 40 minutes and I've read all the posts in this blog and my old blogs. That's all I've been doing.

I am home alone eating gummy bears. If I post too many things that do not have anything and common or aren't related at all in whatsoever way, pardon me. I am bored. I have the right to be a scatter-brain right now.
Besides, I haven't blogged in a long time and things run through my mind like ALL the time. So, I have to blog a lot in this post.

Funny, time goes by like really fast. Hazel would say, killer. It really is a killer. I swear. So much has happened, so many things are over and done with. So many moments and times lost.

I'm happier.
Like, seriously, in my first blog post, October 2001, things were different. Waay different. Different country, different friends, different someone, different everything.
Then I read the posts in my second blog. I actually created my second blog because I needed something new. I needed a different "now" back then. My second blog is happier.
I've become a happier person:) I mean, okay. I was really happy in Rome. Everything was so bright and sunny there. I had great friends. Then I moved back to the Philippines and I kept my Rome friends, I have new ones now and I'm happier. Moving back made me realize how important it is to keep the friends who really matter and who are really always there for me, treasure them and love the new ones as well. BUT. That's not my point. I am happier. I read my life in the past two year and, I am actually happier. Seriously. I'm happy. Like, the fact that I'm not with my old barkada anymore. I love my friends now, especially my new barkada. I miss them more often then I've missed friend whom I've seen like hours ago. Really. Everything about my now is happy.

My LJ blog is only there for rants. I don't think people even know I have one. Well, I do. Go look for it if you must.

Seriously?
Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if your past hadn't happened the way it did? Like something small that you've forgotten about, something that could have made your life different? Or someone who did not enter your life at all? What if one of those people you see everyday or hear from everyday, what if they weren't there? What do they really mean to you and how different would you be without them? The people you depend on, the people you care about, what if one day, you wake up and they aren't there anymore. What if they've changed? If for some reason, they aren't them. How would your life be?
Reading my previous blog posts and everything, I saw all the people who've meant so much to me in the past year up till now. For most of them, I realized that if they hadn't come into my life I wouldn't be me. Seriously. You really meet everyone for a reason. Regardless of whether they make you happy or not, hurt you or love you, keep you company when you've got nothing to do, pick on you and make your life miserable, all these people are here for some bloody reason that most of the time, you don't figure out till they're gone.

When you want something bad enough, the universe conspires to help you get it.
How true is that?
There are certain things that we don't have control of, and yet, there are things that I do not want to change. There are days and moments that I want to last forever. There are people I want to hold on to forever. But I'm eighteen. So much can happen. I've got so much to do. People don't always stick by you, right? There are always a few who slip away. Just like sand, the harder you hold on to it, the more gets away. What if it's too hard to not hold on to someone so much? How do you not let them slip away? Even if people say they'll always be there. Even they can't prove that. How do you not lose someone? And when new things come along, when other forms of happiness and whatever come along, how do you let them in your life when you feel that every thing's already set and steady and calm?

I seriously need to not think for a while and study. Being home alone and sitting out staring at the starless sky makes you think of a billion and one things.

My new love

2007-08-18T20:16:00.000+08:00

*Great Northern Wall on Hard mode, I was upkeeping 8 enchantments! ^_~ (ok so we clearly lack the DPS to kill the grawl monk but still it was a blast!)

I played Guildwars and it was great! Hard mode is really <3 and all the new stuffs is pretty cool. I'm thinking about getting Factions and Nightfall now and for sure I will be getting Eye of the North when it becomes available! <3

Back in the day..

2007-08-17T16:35:00.000+08:00

(got this from tooweesha)
If you were born before 1993, then this survey should be easy for you to fill out!
If you weren't... don't even bother, you'll just be confused!

-What year were you born in?
1989.

-What spice girl were you when you were young?
Baby Spice! =3

-Backstreet Boys or NSync?
NSync!

-Did you watch S Club 7?
Yeah I did! :D

-What was your favorite, Sandlot or Little Rascals?
Little Rascals! Yeah!

-Did you ever have light up sneakers?
Lol, no!

-What was your favorite thing about recess?
Eating? haha.

-Cinderella or Snow White?
I am a Cinderella person. Although having seven dwarfs has its perks.

-Did you wake up really early just to watch cartoons on Saturday morning?
Yes!... =D

-What was your favorite holiday??
Thanksgiving! And it still is! <3

-Did you ever try to stay up on Christmas just so you could see santa?
No. People do that?

-Did you ever watch Bill Nye the Science Guy?
ZOMG! That show was cool!

-What grade did you like the best?
7th Grade! <3

-Ninja Turtles or Power Rangers?
POWER RANGERS!

-What Power Ranger were you?
Pink of course.

-Did you ever own a Chinese jump rope?
Yep. o_O

-What was your favorite thing to eat?
Tootsie Roll.

-What was your favorite color?
Purple

-Barney or sesame street?
Sesame Street! :D or Awit titik bilang atbp.! xD LOL

-Did you prefer, Where in the World is Carmen San Diego or Where's Waldo?
Where in the World is Carmen San Diego.

-Do you ever miss being a little kid?
All the damn time. u__u

-Do you wish you were older?
No way!

-What was your first pets name?
Sugar.

-Who was your best friend in kindergarten?
Marika, Nancy, Trisha and Ashley!

-Are you still friends with the person you were friends with in the 3rd grade?
Nope. I transferred schools... So yeah.

-Where did you live when you were 9?
The Philippines.

-How many times have you switched schools including preschool?
7, I'm a nomad.

-What did you want to be when you grew up?
Paris Hilton.

-Do you know all of the words to the Fresh Prince theme song?
No... O_o

-What was your all time favorite movie?
back then? Space Jam!

-Which did you like 'Are You Afraid Of The Dark' or 'AHH! Real Monsters?
OOOH! I LOVED BOTH! :3

-Did you watch Rocko’s Modern Life?
The show rocks my socks! and Hey Arnold!

-Who was your favorite character in Doug?
Not a big fan of Doug.

-Did you like War heads?
Not so much.

-Did you ever want to watch slime time live?.
Not really.

-Have you ever wondered what the "slime" was actually made of?
Yes!!! O_O

-Who was your favorite rugrat?
Angelica!

It Ends Tonight!

2007-08-16T10:08:00.000+08:00

Mwah!

2007-08-13T21:22:00.000+08:00

I miss the Underworld!

2007-08-12T21:08:00.000+08:00

I was strolling around V-mall (looking for some cheap laptops) and found this,

I didn't bought it though since Datablitz is the epitome of expensiveness and it's not really a game (i think) just some items and access to pre-release events ingame.

But still... I <3 Tyria.

Rainy Days

2007-08-11T18:40:00.000+08:00

Sorry if I haven't been blogging much, I am really busy these days. My laptop died last night, sad, oh well.

(warning: high res pics!)

Emotion emotion emotion!

2007-08-03T19:59:00.000+08:00

The most heartrending song in the world.

Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said "yes I think we've met before"
In that instant it started to pour

Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of that time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
You tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
And now you're outside me you see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you'll lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard, I'll send you the news
From the house down the road, from real love

Live through this and you won't look back
Live through this and you won't look back
Live through this and you won't look back

There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

This is it

2007-08-03T08:10:00.000+08:00

Trojan people, I have stuck with you guys for over a year and what do I get? Insults, back-stabs, hacks (kinda sad being hacked by your own 'friends' no?) and be treated like crap. I have two words for you guys, FUCK YOU! May you all rot in hell.

That feels good.

Anyway, Don't you hate 'mayabang' people? I mean, I know a person who's probably the biggest/geekiest Harry Potter fan (I meant that in a positive way Mandy, hehe, I love you) but she never goes around questioning people of their HP knowledge and telling "oh you didn't answered correctly, you are not a fan, haha" or "oh you didn't saw the movie, you suck". And for other things too, just hang out on Greenbelt or Libis. Why does everything have to be a competition? I wish people would just be friendly.

Rain Existentialism

2007-08-01T19:02:00.000+08:00

It was cloudy so I decided to go home w/o the roof, I thought it would be cool. I was wrong, it rained, of course the roof can't go up that fast (I have to slow down on the side and it takes the roof 10 secs to go up) so most of my school stuff got wet.

Why do the colors of things look darker when the things are wet?

I think I'm getting my Statistics and/or Numerical Methods test results tomorrow and I dread that. We also have practicals on physics lab tomorrow and I could whine and fret and vex and be miserable about it all day on this online journal. Oh, and rain is such a hassle. It's wonderful for people sleeping on their beds with no problems to worry about. It's wonderful for plants that need their sustenance. It's wonderful for bad people to get soaked and curse under the rain, just joking. It is also wonderful for using as an excuse to be angsty and angry and vexed, because it won't hit you back for blaming it (maybe just rain even harder), and because your excuse will have scientific explanations (more rain=rain clouds=less sunlight=less endorphins for making people happy).

What was I saying?

Oh yea about how wonderful rain is for various reasons. It's still a hassle though because when it pours and you have to walk a long way with heavy books, hold on a minute. This is too "bitch bitch bitch". By the time you have come across this sentence with your weary eyes, you might wonder "why is this girl trying to read my mind?", or you might wonder "why am I compelled to feel sorry for you when my problems are worse?" Or not.. This is a blog anyway. I keep forgetting about freedom of expression.

Spider Pig!

2007-07-29T19:27:00.000+08:00

I saw the Simpsons movie this morning, alone *gasp*, it was fun actually. Thanks to Jared for talking about it, I would have never watched it without our conversation last night. It's a very funny movie, I was literally LOL-ign from start to end. Spider pig, Bart showing his *toot*, Ralph finally beating up the bullies and Homer's Epiphany.

Speaking of epiphanies, I actually realized that the Pinoys on Eve isn't really friendly (of course except the few ones I have been close to already). You don't get the 'barkada' feel. I miss my old RO guild and the never a dull moment on guild chat. We would chat about latest fashion, gossips, love dramas, daily adventures or misadventures even the geekiness of school stuff. Things like this make the grind well less grind, and boy, killing a gazillion Alarms, Stings and Raydrics is BORING. What is my point, you ask? Well, most people think eve is grindless but its not, the grind is just cleverly hidden, whether farming missions, mining *gasp*, ratting or sitting on a station beating the market competition by 0.1 ISK , A little chitchat on the channel would help lessening it. Because right now after just a couple of months Eve is getting old for me.

On a final note, I played a little Drummania and Guitar Freaks after seeing the Simpsons, sad to say I became rusty. I B'ed Children's Sktchy on guitars and B'ed Black out on Drums,(I usually S those easily), and saw Shai, Carlo, Migs and Ricko on Timezone.

Check out Fully Booked on Bonifacio High Street (near the Fort or Serendra), it's the best book store ever! <3

Spaceships

2007-07-28T22:22:00.000+08:00

I had planned to write a long, emotive, dramatic blogpost today however I am not feeling very well. So please excuse me while I sort myself out. In the meantime I'll let Ms. Branch and Ms. Harp do the talking.

You’re not sure that you love me
But you’re not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know to just keep me hangin round
You say you don’t wanna hurt me
Don't wanna see my tears
So why are you still standing here just watching me drown

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don’t worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
There’s nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just, leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Or baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with and just let me move on
Don’t concern yourself with this mess you left for me
I can clean it up you see just as long as you’re gone

Lovelots.

Nescafe Box

2007-07-26T22:02:00.000+08:00

Quick blog entry.

Yes, I am on the "Sweet 'n Creamy" Nescafe box :p lol. That was actually from like months ago, funny, I didn't even remembered the shoot was for that.

And please vote for Iggy for the MyxVJ! ^^

And I need a new hobby, (knitting time again?) lol, my addiction to EvE is becoming unhealthy and sucking away my social life.

Lovelots. <3

Randomness

2007-07-24T22:32:00.000+08:00

Shot by Mandy (thank you Mandy!)

I'm 38% Filipino... Oh-Em-Gee!

2007-07-23T21:05:00.000+08:00

Filipino Survey

[x] You have sung on karaoke
[ ] You have bought clothes from ukay-ukay
[x] You have eaten pancit
[x] You have danced a traditional Pinoy dance in front of people
[x] You have been to a free concert
[ ] You have never worn contact lenses
[ ] You can speak tagalog fluently
[ ] You have bought AutoloadMax/E-Load
[ ] You like to eat Sky Flakes
[ ] You have put oil in your hair
[ ] You have washed your/other people'sclothes in a palanggana
Total: 4

[ ] You know the pinoy ako dance steps
[ ] You have been to Divisoria
[ ] You have been to Quiapo
[ ] You have been to Baclaran
[x] You have ridden on a public Jeepney
[ ] You have been to mass at Baclaran Church
[ ] You have drank taho
[x] You have eaten halo-halo
[ ] You have hung-out outside a sari-sari store and enjoyed it
[x] You have Jay-Walked
Total: 3

[ ] You have eaten sorbetes
[x] You have eaten lechon
[ ] You love watching Pinoy Novelas
[ ] You have almost been attacked by a monster (monster!? *gasp*)
[ ] You have went to the province by bus
[ ] You have slept on a banig
[x] You have faked your age
[ ] You have swam in a public pool
[ ] You have peed in a pool
[x] You have been to a PARLOR and got something done
Total: 3

[ ] You have been obsessed with a pure pinoy actor/actress
[x] You have been to a public basketball game
[ ] You have eaten ISAW/DUGO
[ ] You have/had bulate stomach when u were young
[ ] You own a Magic Sing
[x] You have played Patintero
[ ] You have played sipa
[ ] You have bought a dog/cat from the divisoria
[x] You have played Bingo
Total: 3

[x] You have been to Pasay
[x] You have taken a road trip by car
[ ] You have thought of using someone for their money
[ ] You have used someone for their money
[x] You have owned/own a black and white phone before
[x] You have slept at around 5am or so
[ ] You have gone a week without bathing
[ ] You have gotten drunk
[x] You respect your elders
[x] You like to gimmick
Total: 6

Grand total: 19 * 2% = 38%

I wanna be sedated... coz I'm not okay. Yeah I promise.

2007-07-23T18:16:00.000+08:00

Went to school and then we were told that we'll be having no classes because of SONA or whatever, so we kinda hanged out in the classroom a bit then I went home. On the way home though I saw my crush snogging another girl from another class. My heart was crushed, I cried, cried and cried until the tears stop flowing. I now don't know what to do, I like him.

Some pictures from this morning, before you know..

C5 Traffic

2007-07-17T20:04:00.000+08:00

What is with everything being so "complicated"? since when can people not make up their minds on what they want? since when did people have the option to make things and relationships complicated? i just thought about it, and things are actually really simple to begin with. we just make things complicated. we have this conviction that our lives are a mess and we do not know what we want, or what we have is somehow unclear to us. but in reality, we all know exactly what we want. and we know what we have.

Its funny how I always make my life realizations while stuck in traffic on C5-Kalayaan, seriously, it seems like everyday its traffic there.

Rawr!

2007-07-15T15:14:00.000+08:00

The Taming of the Shrew

2007-07-13T18:25:00.000+08:00

I got selected to be on our school play, "The Taming of the Shrew". I'll be playing Bianca, at first I thought it'll be just an added hassle and more work, but after our first rehearsal this afternoon, I changed my mind about it. It was fun, rehearsals will only be around 1-2 hours after school and I'll be exempted from all English exams/quizzes for the next 5 weeks =D. Our play will be on the next month so that means I have 4 weeks to get rid of my stage fright. I just hate to be in front of crowds, no biggie though since I also played the lead in last year's Romeo and Juliet.

Angular Momentum

2007-07-10T19:32:00.000+08:00

Trisha found this funny web comic site while we were fooling around (kinky!)

Isn't that sweet?

XKCD, its funny especially the one that involves math and physics (check out the electromagnetic spectrum and the Fourier transform.

Liz Lemon

2007-07-07T16:48:00.000+08:00

Need I say more?

The reason why school is fun.

Nostaglia!

2007-07-06T20:54:00.000+08:00

When I grow up I'm gonna remember...

300! rawr
Spice Girls, Cher, Kids in America
RT and the strongest man in the world
Naming all my dogs Chai because thats my favorite name
Renting movie on VHS
Todd Wilkins, Lila Fowler, and Bruce Patman, that bastard
Pokemon cards, Pogs, Coke Trucks, Scented kisses, Yoyos and those aliens that 'hatched' from an egg
Enchanted Kingdom and Overcoming fears of theme park rides
Fresh fruits of bel-air
Lipstick on the Mirrow
Tifa vs Loz
Apple Jiuce and Oreo
Good charlotte and Avril Albums
Jerry, Ellaine, George and of course Kramer
Animated characters that actually change clothes
Palawan, Bora, Calatagan, Punta Fuego
Backstreet Boys, N'sync, 98 Degress
Xanda before Anya, Bjork
Puppy loves, First Kiss, Prom Nights
Harry and Ginny
I know what you did last summer, American Pie, Titanic
Friends, Frasier, Simpsons, South Park
Country dancing, Friendship bracelets
Paris, Olsen twins, Britney and Lidsey
Understanding sex jokes when I was older
I got a silver medal on a spelling bee when I was in the 5th grade
Lego, Funhouse, Hotwheels and that thing where you use real tools
Heal, Kyrie, Bless and Agi Up and the other buffs
Meeting Schumi and walking on Monza
Johnny Depp and the Chocolate Factory
Pokemon, Studio Disney, Blues Clues and Dora
Never understanding why coolio is on the opening of Kenen and Kel
Late night hockey games at megamall
Lala, chocnut, Flat tops and White Rabnit
Xenogears, Thousand arms
Dressy Bessy and Gray's Anatomy
Tamagotchi, Pagers and large cellphones
Angel Bands, Bunny Bands and Tiaras
Braces, retainers and that mouth thing I wore
David Schwimmer never ageing and on every show on TV
Late night Nickolodeon
Johnny Bravo, Cow and Chicken, PPG and Dexter's
Getting that Golden chocobo was hard
Online gaming, Dungeons, Experience points, lvl 99s
Realizing Jack Black wasn't really that Funny
Logan Bruno
Gucci, Prada, and other at Via Cordotti, Spanish Steps
10 Things I hate about you
Recca tournament, Ghost Fighter Tournament
Professor Snape, and Dumbledore Dying
Cosplays and Convention
Pam, Jim, The Office
SNL, Liz Lemon, The Dakota Fanning Show
Anime on Ice, Anime at Arki, Anime Revue and the weekly EBs at Megamall
Morning Rush, Jumpstart, Sarah and Sanya and Fran
RX premiers
Miniature plastic animals that grows when put on water
U2, Nirvana and Red Hot Chili Peppers
Adam Sandler movies and Ben Stiller movies
Brangelina, Tomkat and whatever
Buffy
Pulp Fiction, Orlando Bloom and the Matrix
Dr. Zeus, Tolkien and Neil Gaiman
Leonardo D'Caprio, Aaron Carter
Spaghetti tops, flipflops
F4 Concert
These pretzels are making me thirsty
Monopoly. Snake and Ladders
Blueskies, CCHQ, FBR arcade
My Nokia 3210
I'm hot, I'm everything you're not
That girl on One tree hill
That guy on Smallville

Deviously Deviant

2007-07-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

My Deviantart got hacked, all of my deviations gone and my account got borked. So I made a new one, all of my stock photos are still on my flickr/photobucket. I posted my new drawing on my new deviant account and I am in the process of making the second one. I'm thinking I'll make this as a set.

Here's the current line art of the second one

I spent most of the day on the library and playing Eve-online there, I'm doing trading and courier missions now since I can study and do homeworks while doing those, only 7 more days till I get my 5th R&D agent. Tricia gave me a Perfect World installer, it's like the new rave on the shop now. Well, to be fair, it looks nice Linage-ish but I suspect it will be another Korean-mindless-grin-dmmorpg so I'll pass.

I really need a calculus tutor. What's the curl of the divergent again?

These Are Not Couplets, Okay!

2007-07-03T19:38:00.000+08:00

Froze to death in the library this morning,
Did math homework there with Marika and Tricia!

Hazel came and so did Justin,
And Hazel showed me some great haiku so i made one for her,

We couldn't stand to freeze anymore because today is a time for heat and excitement,
So we hopped on over to caf,

And on our merry way there we bumped into some elves!
Just kidding.

So time passed and the likes of Earl joined us while we dined,
And we talked about trivial things and worldly desires and hopes and dreams and the like,

Hours wore on merrily until we realized it was math time,
So we trudged along to class.

Math class was not light, nor was it exciting;
Instead, our blackboard became a hideous array of formulas,

None of which i can remember at this point.
However,

Physics class was nice because our teacher
gave us a free cut.

And the hours after Physics class were even greater,
if you know what i mean!

I'm such a dork.

Random Thoughts

2007-06-25T19:27:00.000+08:00

First of all, I WANT THIS NECKLACE SO BADLY. But it's so freakin expensive! :,c

I got my own credit card now (actually a debit card), and I just got it verified on Paypal, so now I can shop for weird stuff on eBay, hehe. The weekend was pretty eventful, aside from playing EvE-Online most of the time, went to Podium (finally!) just to hang out with the barkada, although I was pretty much sick and in and out of the hospital for the past few days it was really fun just to hang out with friends.

The MEG shoot will be on this Wednesday and the RX showing of Transformers will be on Thursday, so a pretty exciting week. I pre-ordered Harry Potter: Deathly Hallows at Powerbooks Mall of Asia and I'm re-reading The Half Blood Prince currently. I miss G4 and the Drummania / Guitar Freaks people there, come to think of it, since school started, I do not have any time for malls anymore. The past shoots and recent pictures are on my stock account. I haven't been to Tri-noma yet, but me and Fran plans to go there one of these days.

What else?. I have to stop now. Eve server is starting up :p

Does the Inertia of a Body Depend on its Energy Content?

2007-06-19T20:11:00.000+08:00

Today was first day at school, it was fun and cool to see my old classmates again xD~ So yeah first day of school, half of our professors didn't came, so most of the day was spent talking about our summer adventures. Well, except Physics, we already did a 30-item quiz identifying equations >_< from momentum and energy equations, maxwell's equations to wave functions, our professor actually thought it was fun. I got 12 correct which was the highest in our class hehe! xD~ cool? no!. Because I got the highest, I was asked to make a report about how Mr. Einstein derived his most famous Equation, E=mc2. So I spent 4 hours in the Library figuring it out, (on the first day of school, talk about geekyness), anyway, I did figured it out!, thanks to the help of Justin who was fetching the books and Magic who was like my math tutor on YM!

Just an FYI, Einstein derived it on his paper named, "Does the Inertia of a Body Depend on its Energy Content?". xD~

On another note, i was hanging around with my old female friend Sunday night and the thought of kissing her crossed my mind 2 or 3 times and some time that night i put my arm around her like a hug type of thing or something then after i went home and to bed i thought about her and i felt like i wanted to hold her hand and hold her, i think the reason why i felt like i wanted to hold her was because when i had my arm around her i liked it and she seemed cuddly . Yesterday i thought about her and i still liked the idea of walking with her and holding her hand. i think i even still likes the idea of kissing her. i think i want to be close to her in some way. i felt like i would like to ask her if i can hold her hand and walk with her during the night (so no one will see us). i think she was pretty with her glasses on. i really don't know now.

Hug

2007-06-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

Dear Reader,

I have almost forgotten about this blog.

When I was younger I started writing here, and I made my pieces full of what happened everyday. Seeing this text box brings me back to when I had no idea of what adult life would be like, and in time, I got ideas, and this was always where I spilled them. I know that it is wrong to live in the past and hey I'm only remembering, but finding this blog again is like re-meeting an old and forgotten (hee.hee) friend. Sigh :}

I'm starting my last year on Upper School this coming June 19. I had a stint of freelancing at Italy and experiencing office stuff at my mom's firm. So it was a very eventful summer. What's keeping me busy these days are re-reading Harry Potter books and farming missions at EvE-Online (yes, the game I used to play three years ago).

I will never forget you again, and thank you for not going to sleep while i was away.

In La-La Land

2007-04-04T16:46:00.000+08:00

Okay. I was suppose to meet my papa for lunch at ATC then meet my mom for dinner at Gateway. Yeah yeah, that is what you get when your parents get divorced, two visits, two meetings and whatnot. anyway. I got lazy and called them and told them I'm sick =P

My sisters got to watch Sunshine (the cool new movie) yesterday and they said it was cool, almost as good as 300. I'll be watching that one on Sunday.

I spent the whole morning at my favorite places. Gloria Jean's and Timezone at Megamall. haha. I wish I brought my skates, I wanna go skating so baaaad.

I saw this guy who is very good at Guilty Gear XX and he was using Bridget. so cool!, with all the yoyos and teddy bears. And I find it nice and cool when people queue on the game Tekken (this one was on club synergy) when someone is playing, you put your token beside the token slot so after he dies you get to play next, I find it better than credit queues (usually on drummania, where people put so many credits on the game, sometimes it is hard to follow who's next or something)

Anyway, It's holy week. I think I'll be spending my weekend just here at home completing my priest set =p (I'll post about that later, god, so geeky)

All the dirty trappings of love

2007-04-03T22:26:00.000+08:00

I'm back! I'm still alive. It's been a while, so let me start by putting a half-year worth of thoughts.

In the days that I was not blogging, not going online and in most time i spent on Italy. I learned to be an adult. The prospect of having to leave the comforts of school life and home and venture out into the world of the earning and working leaves me shaking in my boots. I’m terrified of what I can do, of what I can’t do. I sometimes feel that there is a certain degree of deficiency in me that I should deal with first before I do anything grand. But there is always the hope of being complete, of things turning out for the better despite our misfortunes.

I learned to love. And not just the kind of love a woman has towards a man, but love that you can give to another human being without question. But I also learned that in loving, we are most vulnerable to pain. I learned to hate someone and it is because of that that we feel pain acutely that ever. It’s only because we love so much that we feel pain in equal magnitude.

I learned disappointment. I learned that you can only take things so far- that you’ve tired your hardest. And because things fail, people cannot blame you for it. I learned that if you really want something, you go for it; you reach for the moon and do it.

I learned what family is all about. Sometimes the family you have isn’t the one you’re supposed to be in. I can now say that I don’t want anything to do with my father’s side of the family. And for all the years to come, I finally wash my hands free of them. So what is family?

I leaned to be a friend. Not just your nominal friend that remains to be an acquaintance, but a friend that truly misses someone’s company; a friend who you do stuff with without any care in the world. I learned to be someone to another.

I have finally understood the type of man I would like to be with. And no, there hasn’t been anyone for me. But the general idea is there. We need more well-adjusted males. Not the type who merely just opens doors and gives up his seat (although that is very much appreciated by the majority of the female persuasion), but the type of man who is a doer- who works hard to attain his goals and is ready to take over the world and light it up with a blow torch; the type of man who knows how to respect, not just his superiors but also his inferiors. A man of initiative is always sexy. I want a guy who understands my eccentricities- who will thinks that being a Harry Potter fan or a Ragnarok Online junkie is worthwhile (that also translates to me being a geek), that I have a rather unhealthy amount of boylust towards Dr. McDreamy, and that when he holds my hand, he knows what my greatest insecurities are. I want that “real feeling and commitment bred by familiarity and accord… the type of tension and nonverbal communication between two people that was tangible, filling a room or even this clearing in the middle of nature.”

And finally, I learned to be myself. I guess despite every lesson learned, this was probably the hardest. It was this lesson that I earned it with great sacrifice to myself and that is never easy. I learned that I am capable of great love and equally, a great amount of hate. I learned that other people are affected by my actions, that I am capable of nurturing someone and even damaging someone. I learned that I am different, really different from everyone. I don’t want to fit in anymore. I don’t want to fit into the mold my friends think of me.

I'm Leavine on a Jetplane

2006-10-26T18:03:00.000+08:00

im leaving for Italy come November. i might stay there forever, depends really on my current work here and my work there. I'll miss u guys. =(

what you didn't know about sofii and nans

2006-10-25T08:29:00.000+08:00

okay, yesterday was spent with nans on the hair salon in the morning and derek's crib. i left the house around 8, picked up nans and went ta have a hair spa. then we met up with the gang at katipunan to go to derek's place at FAAAARview. god, that was far, i dont know how you can go back and forth to makati or even katipunan from there kuya dek . anyway when we got there the guys started drinking, nans got so drunk, haha. since my nansee cant go home drunk and we decided that she should sleep here. got home around 7, and last night siege was really a downer but its okay since i have jheck and a drunk nansee (who keeps insisting we play the sims 2).

i really <3 nans now, we really bonded yesterday and thank you for not puking on my car. here's one of our convos that you (dear reader) would find interesting. haha

sofii: maggi or knor?
sofii: dont really use any on my food. you think im weird, i know. lol
sofii: well i LOVE knor. lol. your turn to ask
nans: crispy or soggy fries?
sofii: soggy!
nans: crispy!
sofii: ew. uhm. spam or corned beef?
nans: corned beef
sofii: same.
nans: hmm.. cold or hot shower?
sofii: warm..
nans: ah..
nans: hot for me
sofii: sims2: do you have it?
nans: OHHH
nans: OMG
nans: KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT?
sofii: what
sofiii: lol
nans: I THOUGHT THAT SIMS, THE GIRL, ASKED YOU IF YOU HAVE IT. I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY, "WHAT IS SHE ASKING THAT YOU HAVE?"
nans: :))
sofii: lol
sofii: lol
sofii: lol
nans: lol
nans: so funny
nans: anyway
nans: had it--actually, borrowed it and obssessed over it but then had to give it back
nans: *obsessed
sofii: lol..
nans: okay, what do you compare yourself to when you look ugly in pictures? lol [i have an answer for this one]
sofii: i have it but some weird thing is wrong with mi comp and it doesnt work
nans: lol
sofii: a fat something (depends on the pic)
nans: haha
nans: A BUTIKI
nans: hahhahahaa
nans: i swear
sofii: wahahahaha! wahahahaha! wahahaha!
nans: i always ask people "do i look like a butiki in this picture?"
nans: hahahhahaa
sofii: :))
sofii: :))
sofii: :))
sofii: im laughing so hard you do not understand
nans: hahahahhahahahahahaha
sofii: jeans or skirt.
nans: skirt
nans: or jeans
nans: ah
nans: i dunno
nans: depends
sofii: lol
sofii: im more of a jeans girl lately
nans: ahh..
nans: okay
nans: hmm..
nans: popcorn: butter or cheese?
sofii: barbeque
sofii: but if i had to choose, cheese
sofii: ever wonder what happened to norah jones?
nans: OMG
nans: I JUST DOWNLOADED HER SONG EARLIER
nans: okay anyway
nans: yeah
nans: where is she?
sofii: lol i dont know
nans: oh okay
nans: i thought you knew
nans: hahahhahaha
sofii: lol
nans: okay
nans: backstreet or nsync?
sofii: nysnc now (if i HAD TO): backstreet
nansaniecancio: hahahahaha
sofii: pishda?!
sofii: hahahaha
sofii: hahaha
nans: i know, right??
sofii: awwhahahan
sofii: hay]
sofii: i know i know!!
sofii: lets just find a god damn friendster survey and then answer it togetehr
nans: hahahahaha
nans: yes, youre very smart
sofii: yse
sofii: i know
sofii: Q: WH0'S THE 4TH PERS0N 0N Y0UR RECEIVED CAll liST?
nans: OH MY
nans: IT'S YOU!!!!
sofii: OHMY. mine's hazel. (sorry nans. lol call more often kasi!)
sofii: Q: WHAT'S Y0UR MAiN RiNGT0NE 0N Y0UR PH0NE?
nans: hahahahha
sofii: shake it off by mariah carey
nans: uh, my phone's a real jologs phone right now so my ringtone is...
nans: type 26
sofii: (god whoever typed this survey is so jologs. and im too lazy to type it properly)
nans: hahaha
sofii: Q: WHAT DiD THE lAST TEXT MESSAGE 0N Y0UR CEllPH0NE SAY
nans: hahaha
nans: in my phone
nans: the messages arent arranged by date
nans: WAHAHAHAHHA
sofii: oh well
sofii: lol
sofii: skip that too
nans: hahaha
nans: no, its okay, i'll post that
nans: its so funny
sofii: Q: WH0SE BED DiD Y0U SlEEP iN lAST NiGHT?
sofii: uh...MINE??
nans: hahaha
nans: actually.. i didnt
nans: i slept in my sister's
nans: hahaha
sofii: WHAT C0l0R SHiRT ARE Y0U WEARiNG?
nans: blue
sofii: dark blue!!
nans: woah!!
sofii: M0ST RECENT M0ViE Y0U WATCHED?
nans: my first wedding
sofii: me too, we watched that together! haha
sofii: NAME 3 THiNGS Y0U HAVE 0N Y0U AT All TiMES?
nans: earrings
nans: um
nans: i dont freaking know
nans: next question
sofii: clothes i suppose, i dont know whatever. lol.
nans: lol
sofii: WHAT'S THE C0l0R 0F Y0UR BED SHEETS?
nans: white
sofii: dude, what is this person's problem? its none of his business what color my sheets are. purple, brown, lots of colors (there's some weird pattern)

PLDT kissmyass

2006-10-23T12:45:00.000+08:00

*i must warn you that this entry will be full of swear words, so sorry.

our stupid crap dsl connection (pldt mydsl) is down again. yeah, as it has been for weeks now our dsl goes down right around 11am then goes back at night around 8pm only on weekdays (it's fucking intentional whatever bullshit), our internet is like rationed. calling their stupid call center support whatever idiots on 172 doesn't help, they seem to know nothing about the problem or internet in general and always gives empty promises like calling back which they never do. effing idiots, they should just fuck and kill themselves.

bootmline, pldt sucks and im terminating it now after i post this entry, to hell with those imbecile idiots fuckers. one day mr. Napoleon L. Nazareno, you will be dead and i'll be laughing my ass off at ur grave. ffs, leci's dsl on san diego is 35$ a month and its 5mbps, see 35$ is like 2,000 pesos, i pay pldt 2,500 for their crap 512kbps dsl shit, its not funny.

pldt is just one big scam and philippines is like a one big sauna. killmenow.

i should start finding jobs in other countries.

so much angst. hahaha. i luv yah nans =p let's go out later.

malboro lights

2006-10-23T10:38:00.000+08:00

i was smoking a cigarette on the balcony alone and i became sad all of a sudden. why? innocence. its funny how one second you're living in oblivion, playing with your toys or whatever it might be that we were interested in before and the next you're out smoking, drinking, worrying about things that dont even matter in the long run and all that. its sad that in a certain point in everyone's lives our innocence is taken away and we mature, we worry, we get stressed out, we do stupid things, and every decision we make affects how our lives are going to turn out. i was just thinking that it would be so much better living in oblivion. but then again, that wouldnt be life, would it? argh, i should stop thinking altogether.

happy birthday nans!

2006-10-22T20:35:00.000+08:00

i went out today with my friends, finally. and i had fun! i mean, besides me almost fainting.

today was spent with nans (the bday girl), ynna, stephie, ellen, nica, frootie, jenny, hazel, jus, vic, seb, alex, derek, markku and josef.

i woke up freakishly early today and left the house at like 5am in the morning, picked up nans, stephie, nica and ellen and made punta to UST to make sama ynna for her exam. we ate breakfast at the wendy's behind UST and funny conversations happened.

derek: steph. are you full? cos you look full.
steph: no, not really.
derek: no, i think you are. i can hear it.
steph: you can have my food if you like..
derek: you sure? you promise?
steph: yeah.
derek: score!

derek: sofii is this yours? (looks at drink)
me: yeah.
derek: can i sip?
me: you can have it.
derek: SCORE!

eww. haha (i think you had to be there to appreciate my kwento)

we sang usher and hanson in the car (and try to race each other from every stop sign we get to, derek is a fast driver @_@ scry) and took videos. jus and vic had a race with me and steph on their shoulders on the park thing on UST while waiting for ynna. i swear! i was holding on to vic's hair! ahahaha. and jus and i had our kungfu fight. I WON.=) UST is such a nice serene place, i loved the old feel of it too bad today, there's so many people. alex said its a nice place at night.

after, we went to the fort or at least near the fort to eat lunch at mcdo (mcdo forbes). haha then to the seminary at guadalupe for paolo's open house thing. it was super fun, its really like a school fair. i got to the jail booth twice T__T they actually handcuff you with another guy lol, so i was walking around with guys handcuffed into me. there are also fake kisses, face paintings, karaoke, 3point shootouts, gonuts (yum), brownies, a nice view of pasig river (and cafe lupe) haha, and battle of the bands. lol, the guys actually joined (they never told us) and named themselves Happy Birthday Nans!, haha. and they did nans' fave song. sweet noh? =) alex broke the snare drum (made a hole) and derek broke a string, haha. we left after they performed so we dont really know if they won. haha.

after we went to nans' place (near rockwell) and they actually started drinking haha, the guys broke the sliding door on nans' room .i only made did like 2 shot so IMNOTDRUNKOKAY!?. i was the first to leave (sorry guys) and after a quick stop at starbs im back the home.

now i have this headache and it feels like the world has crawled up my ass and gave me a foul mood, and yet again missing a fort gimik haha (sorry jen)

my nose is stuffed.

i finally confessed.

must sleep. have work tom and i cant look like shit (which i already do)

i need...a cigarette.

although i am probably sick with the flu (i feel it, i tell you), i need my cigarette. my cigarette calms me down. hokay, i should stop before i go into deep appreciation for cigarettes and go on for hours.

night

Jen is betrayed by Sofii

2006-10-20T22:46:00.000+08:00

a little miracle happened today, i saw nica online! amazing! i havent seen her online or in person in ages! i miss you nicapot.

This is quite funny ang interesting. take the time to read it.

jenny says: double bitch!
jenny says: when when oh when!!!!
jenny says: willl you ever start coming out again!! ?
jenny says: answer? never... or
sofia says: never
sofia says: lol
jenny says: oh sofii!! ihateyou
jenny says: you have betrayed me!
jenny says: why cant you come out???
jenny says: everyone witll be happy!
sofia says: BUT jenny. i dont like getting all dressed up and putting on make up anymore
sofia says: i live a simple life my dear
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: no!!!
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: you do!!
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: you do!!!
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: you have just lost that party soul of yours
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: it did NOT die
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: but its still there
sofia says: hmm
sofia says: i dont know
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: sofii i hate you!!!! how dare you say those unkind words
sofia says:seems gone to me
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: no
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: they are unholy
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: no!!!!!!
sofia says: AHAHAHAHAHAHAA
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: damn rowell
sofia says: I LOVE YOUR MSN NAME!
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: i should go over to his house and give him a peice of my mind
sofia says: HEY, i love rowell
sofia says: lol
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: hahahah i know you do!!
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: i love him too
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: but i hate him for this
sofia says: i can give you his address
sofia says: i know. lol
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: cant i make him into a partying soul too?
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: maybe with ellen's help
sofia says: we were partying souls
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: yes well.... you were more of a prty girl than he was a party boy..... soo....
sofia says: HAHAHA I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: 1 party girl + 1 semi party boy + falling in love = MARRIED COUPLE
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: who stays home
sofia says: well, that does happen
sofia says: in reality
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: and dances to music in the living room
sofia says: shut up okay, its cute
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: and in the pool
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: yes it is cute
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: but also
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: not going out A SINGLE WEEKEND is betraying jenny
sofia says: okay, okay
sofia says: next weekend we'll go out
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: NOT only that!!!
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: i think im going to skip on the whole Embassy thing
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: i think im going to skip on the whole Embassy thing
sofia says: awwwww
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: I think im going to skip on the whole Embassy thing
sofia says: i get the point jenny.
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: it keeps ringing and ringing and i keep hearing it over and over again in my ears.. its like a dream.....
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: a nightmare if you must
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: a nightmare announced to the public and a bunch of anonymous people
sofia says: okay ms drama queen
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: oh my!! i dont know how i can be so happy for m'love
sofia says: i will go to cuisine once in a whle with you guys
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: yet so sad
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: AND and
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: no
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: no more and
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: i have run out of words....
sofia says: okay okay jenny
sofia says: ahahhahahaa
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: i think rory would be happy if i lessened partyying
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: hahahha
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: or NOT
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: i dont know.
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: im too scared to give it a try
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: oh this is all just sooo.... surreal
sofia says: ahhaha
sofia says: its not that bad you know
jenny is betrayed by sofii says: (jenny faints with a cigarette in her hand) END OF STORY

Morning Thoughts

2006-09-03T09:24:00.000+08:00

I live in this world where every being is created perfectly. Yes, I know, and I've heard it many times...nobody's perfect. The word does easily connote "flawlessness," but to me that isn't it at all. The way I see it, everyone has their flaws, but that's just part of what makes them perfect. To understand-- and not just see--the beauty created in and created by others is a gift that God has given me.

However, there is a catch. It's sort of how Saint Bernadette of Lourdes found this fountain that would cure everyone who was sick-- everyone except herself. Even as people commit mistakes, i think it wonderfully artistic, as if their mistakes are so essential to their identity, and it completely strikes me with awe. But when I look at myself in the mirror, all I can see is this dull creature, unprepossessing, in both body and soul. Why? I really don't know. I've tried exploring every corner of my brain, every memory that would come to me, to seek affirmation from people who've given it to me. But somehow, I can't bring myself to believe them. They are just words and gestures said and done to me for the sake of being said and done; they aren't truth.

My attempt in trying to uplift my self-esteem, has probably been, by far, the most difficult and unsuccessful (although i know most of you wont believe me) undertaking ever in my life. Every problem of mine that I can think of has something to do with my self-esteem (or the lack thereof)—from something as serious as wanting to spontaneously combust, to being afraid of saying “hello” because the other person might not remember me or say “hi” back, and then, feeling absolutely guilty because I ended up seeming like such a snob. You’d think after nineteen years of living in this skin-- this soul even--I’d be comfortable with it, but I’m not. I guess since I see everything as beautiful, there is this psychological need to find imperfection. And where else can I look but inside myself?

Gosh, I really like torturing myself, don’t I? I wish this was just one of those “Pity ME” or “Pa-humble effect” posts, but it’s not. It’s legitimate problem, that out loud or even in my head, I would never say I hate myself, although, in truth I have realized, I probably do.

Hindi mo lang alam

2006-09-01T12:28:00.000+08:00

Do you know what its like to reach
for the phone and then have to pull
your hand back because you remember
you're not supposed to call anymore? You
sit back with tears building up in your eyes
because you know it not the last time you'll
miss the conversations you shared.

I've been making a list of the things they dont
teach you at school. They dont teach you how to
love somebody. They dont teach you how to let
somebody go. They dont teach you how to be
famous or how to be poor. They dont teach you
how to walk away from someone you dont love
any longer. They dont teach you to know
what's going on in someone elses mind. They dont
teach you what to say to someone who's dying.
They dont teach you anything worth knowing..

He's the reason i'm messed up
the reason i can't get myself
into another relationship. No
matter how hard i try, no matter
how bad i want to...I'm Scared.
I'm not scared of getting hurt,
I'm scared of hurting someone
else. Becasue i could never love
anyone, the way i loved him

Take Chances...
Tell the truth
Date someone totally wrong for you
say no
spend all your cash
fall in love
get to know someone random
be random
Say i love you
get angry
be the first to say im sorry
scare yourself at least once a day
sing out loud
smile often
dance in front of the mirror
laugh at a stupid joke
cry
get revenge
tell someone how much they mean to you
let someone know what theyre missing
stalk someone
blackmail.
laugh till your stomach hurts
Live Life..

You got the bullets
& i got the gun
lets end this tonight
just like a scene in a movie

She's addicted to the song lyrics
that spill her heart out for her

Truth Or Dare
Truth - Tell me how you really feel.
Dare - Prove It

Whoever will gossip to you..
will gossip about you

Please dont tell me that you care for her
i dont want to know, even if you're sure
theres a hatred inside me that i cant stand
when i think about her holding your hand...

When you think about him
you start to cry. When he
comes online, your stomach gets
that feeling and your heart beats
ten times faster. when you see him,
you smile without even knowing it.
That means theres something that
wont let you give up.

Tell me you love me
you know i love it
when you lie

Once upon a time words never hurt me.
change never killed me
love never broke me
fear never shook me
my hopes never faded away
i never needed to break away
i was always happy
i never lied
yeah...
once upon a time

&& every word i said to you
and every feeling i admitted
i meant everything

Im done waiting for you
Its your turn to wait for me

bored...

2006-08-27T13:35:00.000+08:00

I was tagged by miss hazel

Rules:
1. Emphasize all lines that apply to you.

I wish I was a different ethnicity.
I have an eating disorder. --> I dunno, i probably do.
I'm short.
I'm tall.
I think I'm really attractive.
I prefer winter over summer.
I'm a geek.
I'm a shopaholic.
I'm reasonably intelligent.
I'm attracted to girls. --> xD
I'm attracted to boys.
I like British accents.
I smoke regularly.
I drink regularly.
I smoke socially.
I drink socially.
I get drunk easily.
I do drugs.
I will never date a bad kisser.
I've lied to avoid kissing them again.
I brush my hair at least 50 times a night.
I'm religious.
I'm not religious but have morals.
I lie frequently.
I'm impulsive.
I'm hardworking.
I liked "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind."
"She's All That" is one of my favourite movies.
I'm good at History.
I speak more than two languages.
I enjoy taking pictures.
I like spending money on myself.
I like spending money on others.
I have a regular income.
I earn money on a job-by-job basis.
I pay my own bills. Water and Internet.
I rely on my parents for money.
I can cook. --> Egg, sausage, rice...the basics.
I enjoy cleaning.
Tidyness is a must in my life.
I like clutter.
My idea of good music is Britney Spears. --> Good for karaoke-ing!
I have heard of Blonde Redhead.
I enjoy Blonde Redhead.
I'm fashion-conscious.
I have good taste.
People tell me I have good taste. --> If by "people" you mean Nica, and by "taste" you mean boys, then absolutely yes.
I excel academically.
I'm told I have yet to fulfill my potential.
I'm good at sports.
I'm good at certain sports. -->Actually, one sport.
I couldn't do sports to save my life.
I'm creative. -->Hee!
I'm artistically inclined.
I wanna be an artist when I grow up.
I wanna be an engineer when I grow up.
I eat when I'm upset.
I cannot adapt to change. --> No, but I find it pretty difficult.
I'm interested in politics.
I have shoplifted.
I download MP3s.
I've done underage drinking.
I've gone underage clubbing.
I can dance reasonably well.
I can dance extremely well.
I dance like a cardboard gorilla.
I can sing. --> Kunyari nalang.
I can sing like someone stepped on my foot.
I can swim.
I enjoy surveys.
I keep a journal. --> duh?
My teachers don't like me.
I enjoy controversy. --> So long as it aint about me.
I can be a bitch/bastard.
I have a thing for bad boys/girls.
I have tattoos.
I've been in a nudist colony.
I'm not sure if I want to have children.
I'm not sure if I'll get married.
I know who I will marry.
I'm interesting.
I'm a good liar.
People enjoy talking to me.
I annoy people from time to time.
I'm a born leader.
I'm a born leader but shouldn't lead.
I enjoy felching.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a shoe fetish.
I watch "Sex and the City."
I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty. --> Not super, but she's fashyown.
I wanna be J.Lo.
I cut myself.
I've cut myself.
I hate people who pretend to be suicidal.
I hate popular people.
I think cheerleading is a sport. --> Yeah, why not...
I'm photogenic.
I live in Chucks.
I think graffiti is art.
I have dated a criminal.
I have been cheated on.
I have cheated on someone.
I have a temper.
I like playgrounds.
I dance in the rain.
I'm obsessed with Shakespeare.
I have tanlines.
My favorite color is pink.
My favorite color is black.
I would classify myself as emo.
I'm musically inclined.
I like listening to music.
I like music-blasting cars.
Thongs are comfortable.
I like flip-flops.
I know what monogamy is...
...and I believe in it.
I wanna be a social worker when I grow up.
I have sibling/s.
My siblings annoy me. --> I annoy my siblings.
I think "South Park" is funny.
I believe in LOVE. --> Yeah. Let's hope I never get jaded by it.

messages to some people

2006-08-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

our pc is going down! downnnnn!...our pc was infected by a triple x virus that keeps asking its users if they would want to see "young teenage girls in hot and raunchy sex action". eew. no. =( anyway..

friend 1, thank you for sticking by my side. i'm glad that despite all that's happened, you can still see my good side. we get along really well cause you give time to understand my moods and i'm glad that i have you. i seriously would've lost it if you had left me too. when i needed someone to hold and calm me when i was letting out uncontrollable sobs, you were there. and just when i thought that i was the ugliest and meanest person in the world, you still made me feel beautiful, inside and out :)

friend 2, it may seem like a small thing to others but for me, it isn't. i still feel bad for letting you down when you needed me. i apologize for being so rude, backing out on you that same day..i'm really sorry. i promise..i'm going to make it up to you. we may be drifting apart from each other now but i'm still holding on. i know that our friendship is strong enough and that we won't lose it just as easily..there's no way that i'm gonna let that happen. i value you, jae..YES, YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME. i miss you..

friend 3, what have i got to say to you? everything that i've been telling you these past few days is true. believe it or not..it is. you know me the way no one else does. all i can say is that i'm proud of what you've become. keep it up..

friend 4, i honestly do not know where we stand. what are we? it's funny how you can make me smile in an instant and suddenly make me frown the minute after. everything's so confusing..but this is how much you mean to me..you are special to me. i don't just give in to someone very easily..it takes a while to get on my good side..yet you found the right spot to tickle. i was on the verge of giving up..i bade you farewell a million times already but i still keep on coming back. it seemed hard at first..but now, i'm just about ready start. i don't mind it at all..i'm willing to risk a lot for this...i guess we just have to make the most of what we have now.

friend 5, i do not know how to begin. you've already heard everything that i needed to say. i just want you to know that i had fun with you. i still consider you as one of my best-est friends. i'm really sad about how things turned out to be..but there's nothing i can do. it's all my fault and i openly admit that i'm the one to blame. i'm really sorry for hurting you. we may not have worked things out and you probably look at me differently now. i just hope that if we get to cross paths again somedy, you'll give our friendship another chance. kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon..minsan ay hindi mo na alam ang nangyayari, kahit na anong gawin..lahat ng bagay ay mayroong hangganan..dahil ngayon, tayo ay nilimot ng kahapon. hindi na mapipilitang buhayin ang ating mga pinagsamahan. kung sakaling gipitin ay laging iisipin na minsan tayo ay naging tunay na magkaibigan..i miss you..

Romeo and Juliet never ended up together..

2006-08-14T20:59:00.000+08:00

im going to actively post here now (as adviced by my theraphist, to let out my feelings) seriously.

i love the weather today, so rainy and gloomy. no happy kids playing on the streets, no sweet couples walking on the park and the view from our floor is great when its raining.

i really wish it was as easy as sending out a chain letter to ten people to make someone come back into your life, or to find something better than the one before. i don't understand why people think those things work. they don't do a thing. never did never will. i've done a lot of thinking today, i don't know what about honestly. i've felt pretty blank the last two days. i can't figure out my emotions, as weird as that sounds. i haven't been acting myself i can tell everyone is noticing. i feel lost. i don't know what about. i guess i'm starting to make more changes in my life and i just haven't realized. i wish the words would flow easier. and my thoughts weren't so choppy. i know myself. but maybe not as well as i'd like right now? i guess i'm sort of letting people influence the way i think of myself. lately i've been getting stupid phonecalls from stupid girls. telling me this and that. i guess maybe they're jealous. i don't honestly think i'm worth getting jealous over. but i try to be a good person, i really do. i try my hardest to be a good friend, i really do. i promise. i know i sometimes don't think before a speak and i do hurt peoples feelings, and i'm sorry for that. i'm just outspoken and opinionated. i've always been that way.

cute game

2006-08-10T15:00:00.000+08:00

Anyway, posting just to let you know (my dear readers?) that im still alive and kickin. hehe. i have tapings during earrrrly mornings and u know what i do on the day. *twnk*

How it goes:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
**Im excluding my Jpops (i guess it would not make sense, hehe)

1. How are you feeling today?
With a Smile by Eraserheads
- Hmm, cool... i'm feeling kinda good today

2. Will you get far in life?
Perfect World by Simple Plan
- I dunno, will i have a perfect life? i guess that's good

3. How do your friends see you?
Unwanted by Avril Lavinge
- Hmm..... =(

4. Will you get married?
One Week by Barenaked Ladies
- I guess that means no? Either that or I'll end up in a really bad marriage (a one week marriage =P).

5. What is your best friend’s theme song?
Welcome to my Life by Simple Plan
- Huh. Haha.

6. What is the story of your life?
Trees by Marty Casey
- "It will be you and me up in the trees..... In a world we rule together", =)

7. What was high school like?
Ewan ko by Soapdish
- That pretty much describes my 13 years of all-girls Catholic schooling, haha. "Napapansin mo na yata, nakakahiya naman, gusto lang kitang titigan" yihee.

8. How can you get ahead in life?
Fall to Pieces by Avril Lavinge
- Ay. There's my problem right there.

9. What is the best thing about your friends?
Ligaya by Kitchie Nadal
- We're happy people! Yay.

10. What is today going to be like?
High by The Speaks
- Guess it will be good.

11. What is in store for the weekend?
Bring me Down by Rivermaya
- awww. guess another sad weekend.

12. What song describes you?
Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson
- Perfect. I'm such a beautiful disaster.

13. To describe your grandparents?
Skater Boy by Avril Lavinge
- LOL. really?

14. How is your life going?
Cry by Mandy Moore
- Aww. My life is a mess right now.. and i just cry myself to sleep every night.

15. What song will they play at your funeral?
Sige (acoustic) - by 6 Cycle Mind
- aww, its a sad song (the acoustic one) so i guess its alright.

16. How does the world see you?
Halaga by Parokya ni Edgar
- If someone sees my like this, i'll take it. Atleast she/he cares for me.

17. Will you have a happy life?
Eternal Flame by Atomic Kitten
- "Close your eyes, give my your hand, Darling", I guess this is a yes.

18. What do your friends really think of you?
Torn by Natalie Imbruglia
- Hmmm... really?

19. Do people secretly lust after you?
Can't Help Fallin' in love by Micheal Buble
- "But i cant help fallin in love with you..." yihee. really? =p hehe old song. I <3 Elvis.

20. How can I make myself happy?
Idlip by Imago
- I guess i'll take a nap.

21. What should you do with your life?
Time to Say Goodbye by Nina
- =( bad sign.

22. Will you ever have children?
Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield
- I guess we'll never know

tc ppl!. =)

If God is a dj?

2006-07-18T16:06:00.000+08:00

I've been the girl with her skirt pulled high
Been the outcast never running with mascara eyes
Now I see the world as a candy store
With a cigarette smile, saying things you can't ignore
Like Mommy I love you
Daddy I hate you
Brother I need you
Lover, hey "fuck you"
I can see everything here with my third eye
Like the blue in the sky

I've been the girl- middle finger in the air
Unaffected by rumors, the truth: I don't care
So open your mouth and stick out your tongue
You might as well let go, you can't take back what you've done
So find a new lifestyle
A new reason to smile
Look for Nirvana
Under the strobe lights
Sequins and sex dreams
You whisper to me
There's no reason to cry

If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you're given
It's all how you use it

You take what you get and you get what you give
I say don't run from yourself, man, that's no way to live
I've got a record in my bag you should give it a spin
Lift your hands in the air so that life can begin

If God Is a DJ... If God
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor
Get your ass on the dance floor

don't say you love me

2006-07-02T16:13:00.000+08:00

Got introduced to you by a friend
You were cute and all that, baby you set the trend
Yes you did oh
The next thing I know we're down at the cinema
We're sitting there, you said you love me
What's that about?

You're moving too fast, I don't understand you
I'm not ready yet, baby I can't pretend
No I can't
The best I can do is tell you to talk to me
It's possible, eventual
Love will find a way
Love will find a way...

Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready
Don't say your heart's in a hurry
It's not like we're gonna get married
Give me, give me some time

Here's how I play, here's where you stand
Here's what to prove to get any further than where it's been
I'll make it clear, not gonna tell you twice
Take it slow, you keep pushing me
You're pushing me away
Pushing me away...

Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready
Don't say your heart's in a hurry
It's not like we're gonna get married
Give me, give me some time

getting worse..

2006-06-24T19:27:00.000+08:00

i haven't got any sleep yet, so bear with my sad rantings. Death is always sad.

It's funny how things change so fast. For me, life's been getting worse and worse every day. A month ago, i was living like a princess, spoiled by my parents, my allowance is was like 25,000 pesos a month, life was good, school was fun and i really thought that fate would be kind to me from then on. But i was wrong, in the past month, my parents divorced and they both have new families now, my car got repossessed because how the hell i can pay for that, i realize that i really need a second job just to make things easier. i just hope that my sisters' college insurance plans does not one day decide not to pay for their tuiton. i'm actually thinking of selling our condo unit and move to a cheaper place to rent. I applied on a restaurant/cafe on ayala, since my weekends are free, i can work there on weekends for the whole day and only do late shifts on weekdays.

i finally got the courage to see a doctor (a psychologist). i just cannot take it anymore. It's been going on for too long, and it's too much for me to handle on my own. Everyday, i have to drag myself to do the things i need to do. And everything that used to be fun and exciting, isn't anymore. A lot of times, i feel that i keep friends at arm's length and that i just cannot be close to anyone. Even in the middle of a crowded place when surrounded with friends, i feel it. And it gets really, really exhausting. And shit...i wish i'm just making drama, but i'm not. i don't know why all of this has to happen to me. When with people, it seems i don't show symptoms of it at all. It won't show in the way i act, not even in the way i dress or "portray myself". i suppose maybe, since i can hide it so well, it's THAT bad. i pray to God everyday to help me out of this. i talk to him out loud like a friend because none of my friends know. Plus, i'd just be a burden to them if they did. Or they would judge me if they knew. Only He knows how i've been feeling, how, so many times, i want to end it all--even if it means erasing everything good in myself, just to not feel pain anymore. But obviously, my faith would never allow that. i got really really close though, once (and quite recently), but i couldn't do it. That hurt too. But i suppose with all this pain comes the realization that i am human, and with that, i am alive. That being said, there is still reason to hope that things will get better, and i believe they will. So then, what the bible says is true. "Of these, three remain: Faith, Hope and Love..." except i think i haven't quite mastered the third yet.

You know they say there are people destined to succeed and be happy. i guess if the law of equivalent exchange must hold that is, to obtain, something of equal value must be lost. Then there must be people destined to be losers so other people can succeed, destined to to a life of misery so other people can be happy. and i think i'm one of them.

To end this post on a sadder note, my older sister's husband died yesterday because of 'accident' from work and at just the age of 25. Fate is so cruel. i sometimes just can't understand how god works. He's always a nice guy and certianly, he deserves a longer life than that.

Okay, i don't really know what to say anymore, except that i have to sleep. i just needed to let these thoughts out into the universe. Hooray. I'll dream tonight. Something to look forward to.

Confession

2006-06-13T17:09:00.000+08:00

There is something that has been in my heart lately, and I need to get it out. There is someone I am quite jealous of, and by the end of this post, you will know who you are.

I am jealous of her because she has someone to love, and I also want someone to love. I've seen her take him into her loving arms, cuddle him, kiss him, and look into his beautiful eyes. Despite some health circumstances, she still goes out of her way, seeing to it that he is absolutely happy.

And I've seen him happy, too. I wanna make someone happy like that too. And I honestly believe that that something they share, in a way, heals them both.

I know, that if i have someone like that, I'll be able to really talk to him. Tell him the things I'm thinking, and the things I'm feeling. And I think, even if in loving him, I will make mistakes, it'll still be all worth it in the end.

But most of all, I want someone to cuddle...

*Sigh*

*Wink* It's pretty obvious who you are.

If i can dream

2006-05-11T17:47:00.000+08:00

i love this song. i loved it more when elliot sang it. *giggle*

There must be lights burning brighter somewhere
Got to be birds flying higher in a sky more blue
If I can dream of a better land
Where all my brothers walk hand in hand
Tell me why, oh why, oh why can't my dream come true

There must be peace and understanding sometime
Strong winds of promise that will blow away
All the doubt and fear
If I can dream of a warmer sun
Where hope keeps shining on everyone
Tell me why, oh why, oh why won't that sun appear

We're lost in a cloud
With too much rain
We're trapped in a world
That's troubled with pain
But as long as a man
Has the strength to dream
He can redeem his soul and fly

Deep in my heart there's a trembling question
Still I am sure that the answer gonna come somehow
Out there in the dark, there's a beckoning candle
And while I can think, while I can talk
While I can stand, while I can walk
While I can dream, please let my dream
Come true, right now
Let it come true right now
Oh yeah

Europe Trip

2006-05-11T16:33:00.000+08:00

This past week (month) has been shit for me, and now for the next two weeks (not sure) it'll be just fun, relaxation and summer. So for now, enjoy this pre-made layout and forget about the suicidal layout (i'll finish it when we get home or if i have time at our vacation).

Our vacation will be on Europe. Too bad my parents will not be able to come to this year's trip (but mom will make habol, when we go to Nice on the way home). This year it'll be only us 'kids', me, ate claire, frannie, isabella and hazel (i really hope we dont get lost or something).

So here's the plan. We'll leave on sat evening for Frankfurt and stay there for 7 or so hours while we wait for our connecting flight. We might be able to go around there, i heard it's a nice place, my first time in Germany too. Then we'll be going to Turin (Turino) and stay there for 2 days and 2 nights, Turin is a very nice place, the next best to Rome. Then we'll be riding the train (TGV?) to Marseille. There we'll go around and maybe spend one night and then we'll take a ride to Briancon where we will spend one week on our rest house, Briancon is really a nice place, lots of things to do (it's the highest city in all Europe). Then we'll go to Nice to meet up with mom, again go around and shop (maybe?) then we'll ride a plane to Paris. There it will just be shopping galore for a day (only one day...) before taking a plane to Hong Kong (just a stop over =| ) and then back to Manila. Hopefully before the 28th *wink*.

On the other news, i am deeply addicted to Taylor Hicks @___@ and American idol did an Elvis theme (my favorite performance is from kath singing can't help fallin' in love), very nice =)

so what if you catch me.. where would we fall?

2006-05-03T19:10:00.000+08:00

so definitely a lot has happened recently. some good, some bad, some hard stuff, some easy.. just a whole mix. there's been a lot of drama, some people i feel closer to, some people i've lost a lot of respect for, some people i've helped, and some people who've helped me. some things changed, while others didn't, and got better. i really hope that everything is going to go up from here, with no regrets. i have no regrets right now, just hope. it's really kind of hard for me at the moment cuz i'm just remembering all of the really good things. i guess i'm just sort of a mess of emotions, not necessarily bad, just a lot of different feelings. happiness, sadness, feeling torn, feeling lucky, scared, fearful, contemplative. friends, not really friends anymore, boys, sisters, parents. all of it, all of them. school's in there. ragnarok is in there. my ipod is even mixed in lol. just cuz it's messed up which is bad, but plays my music which keeps me sane. the Italy trip is soon. i'm a mix of emotions just for that. scared, excited, ecstatic, a little worried. my last sem in college is always on my mind, just a little anyway. did better on my secong exam than i thought i was going to fail. our 'gig' is this weekend, and i'm really excited for that. there's so much coming up in these next few months, so many changes to come, so much to look forward to, and so much to hope will never come, it just all makes me feel so torn about it all. i just don't want to have any regrets. things don't have to be permanent if they're not meant to be, so if you go with how you feel, then you can't really go wrong. i just plan on following my heart, following my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own passion. i really do feel quite lucky, for everything i have. i have so much. i don't want to miss out on anything, though i'm scared of all i could miss. but I can't live my life that way, i need to live in the moment, live for myself. it's hard to be alone, though in one sense, i am very not alone, i have such nice and caring sisters. i can't really describe where i am in my life, i just feel like sighing deeply and thinking to myself, "everything is okay." because i know it is.

really, i believe it. i just need some help sometimes to remember that. Just a little help to get by =]

btw. i got my first job offer today =)

i only need myself

2006-04-30T21:45:00.000+08:00

Today was such a bad day, it seems like every problem i have caught up to me. i just broke down and cried. Worrying about tomorrow, what will happen, uncertainties, love problems, friends, family problems, school, how stupid the world is.

Today, i was just out, i just dont want to talk to people, i dont want to fake a smile and be my happy genki mode. Because of that i ignored alot of my friends, turned down invites to hang out, i was bitchy i was cursing at some poeple. Or maybe i need those encouraging words.

And then, everybody hates me now, most people are in 'tampo' to me because of ignoring them blah blah blah blah, and the sad thing is. none of them even asked me.. "what's wrong sophie?"

for my so called 'friends'..
maybe you just don't care. maybe you don't care about me. you are not a friend after all. i've done so many things to you. i was always there for you. and at the time i need you the most, all you can do is make it harder for me.

i don't need you. i only need myself.

tagged!

2006-04-29T21:37:00.000+08:00

Here you go guys, My list of 4's (stolen from cai's) hehe..

4 Jobs I've had in my life:

a. Babysitter?
b. awww.
c. i can't think of any anymore.
d. sad.

4 Movies I can watch over and over (and over):

a. A Walk to Remember
b. Any Harry Potter Movie - I can stare at Emma forever.. and ever.. and ever..
c. Pirates of the Carribean - omg, kiera+orlando+johnnydepp.... *drools*
d. Lord of the Rings (LEGOLASSSS!~)

4 Websites I visit regularly

a. 4chan
b. Ragnarok Boards (RB, Ragnainfo, Roemp, Ragnagate etc.)
c. iTunes (can that be consider a website?)
d. Minitokyo + Deviantart

4 Favorite Foods

a. French Rolls from Priscilla's Candy Shop - Its this log, for lack of a better word, of chocolate-y, fudge-y goodness rolled in crushed nuts. Heaven on waxed paper.
b. Jelly candies from Candy Corner
c. Mille~Feulle ~ omg french desserts T__T
d. Is gelatto a "food"?

4 Places I would rather be right now

a. Pelago, Italy (in Tuscany) i loooove this place.
b. A warm beach with my toes in the sand.
c. Our old place at alabang. i wanna be near alabang town center.
d. Glorietta 4 cinema lobby, c'mon i can live there, starbucks, timezone, burger king, wendys and the cinema, perfect place.

4 Songs I can Listen to over and over again.

a. The Voice Within - Cristina Aguilera
b. The Prayer - Andrea Brocelli + Celene Dion
c. Unwritten - Natasha Beningfield
d. Over - Lindsay Lohan (i know, i know *swt* but i love this song)

4 Reasons why I blog.

a. Cheap Therapy
b. To help me remember things.
c. Because I've got so much extra time on my hands (Ha!)
d. Penance for doing so poorly in Ms. Ong's English classes. hehe.

mwah

2006-04-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

Miss Maria Francesca Yapyuco, I love you. =)

don't cry..

2006-04-28T11:11:00.000+08:00

Young girl don’t cry
I’ll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it’s alright
Your tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly

When you’re safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing’s harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

Young girl don’t hide
You’ll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you’re gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It’s so hard to stand your ground when you’re so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul

When there’s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way
You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within

Tsubasa Chronicles

2006-04-25T14:27:00.000+08:00

Yesh, *points at title* i am officially addicted to that anime/manga. =) CLAMP girls are really the best at what they do, and i think the anime doesn't give them any justice. im such a sucker for love stories.

As you might have noticed, im not doing really well at school, *kicks stupid complex math*. Somehow, i just cannot grasp the concept of contour intergration and residues. That is making me sad. Our first exam will be on friday, and i still havn't done any problem sets or studied. hahaaay T_T.

My dad and I had this conversation over the dinner table while my mother was making a salad in the kitchen:
I go, "Do you think they'll show 'The Omen' in the Philippines?"
Dad: "Sure! They showed the original, I think they even had part 2."
Sofi: "Okay."
Dad: "You know, what I want to see is the love story between Jesus and Mary Magdalene."
Sofi: "The Da Vinci Code?"
Dad: "No, a movie about their love story! They haven't made a movie about it yet..."
Sofi: "They never will."
My dad chuckles, says, "Well the priests say they had a love story..."
Sofi: "What priests?!"
i was incredulous because i never heard of any priest saying that. Also because Dad is funny that way. Funny and a little scary, if you know what i mean. Actually i don't know what i mean; maybe i am overly conservative and can't picture a divine figure like Jesus Christ falling in [romantic] love, even if He was human.

Speaking of being overly conservative, i think it's being a bad trait of mine. Maybe because my mom is a super conservative person, it all rubbed onto us. If you were an ex-bf of mine you would know that i don't kiss on the lips, i don't flirt with sexy kinky things, i'm not really fond of hugs and public display of affection, and sex would be the last thing on my mind. i do not get why people do sex at age 14, maybe i am just too old fashioned. But hey, i am changing... *wink*

help!

2006-04-20T00:29:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone! (hehe) Would any of you happen to be in the know about complex functions.. transforms.. residues.. systems of equations..and other things like that? I am in dire need of your help. I am willing to pay like by the hour or something

100 things.

2006-04-14T13:20:00.000+08:00

since im bored and i dont wanna go to church.

1. i like to write.

2. i adore Scrabble.

3. i usually win.

4. Unless i'm playing my mother.

5. i like to keep the score sheets documenting my victories.

6. i'm the only one who enjoys looking at them.

7. i know, i know. It shocks me too.

8. I don't always like being in charge.

9. But i often end up there.

10. i'm 5'-4".

11. i dont usually capitalize i.

12. i used to be painfully shy.

13. i forced myself to become good at interacting with strangers.

14. i'm glad i did because it makes life easier.

15. i still consider myself shy but now only I know it.

16. i fell in love at age 18.

17. With a woman.

18. i have a boyfriend at the time.

19. Yes, it was a f*cked up situation.

20. i'm good at analyzing numbers.

21. Spreadsheets and budgets rock my world.

22. But i'm not good at doing math in my head.

23. i find that embarrassing.

24. i'm a naturally good speller.

25. i am a voracious reader.

26. My father taught me how to play chess.

27. i didn't beat him at it until I was 18.

28. We haven't played since.

29. i don't like mashed potatoes.

30. i don't like beans either.

31. It's a texture thing.

32. My friend Mara thinks i am sensorily challenged.

33. i don't hold that against her.

34. She's probably right.

35. i love to draw.

36. i like to think i'm a good one.

37. I don't fit many of the stereotypical lesbian prototypes.

38. People get confused because i don't.

39. Maybe i'm not.

40. Maybe i'm just confused.

41. i also like guys.

42. So sue me.

43. i've gone skinny dippin' once.

44. i don't ever want to do it again.

45. But i can if i have to.

46. I have a sweet tooth.

47. Calculus was the only class I ever failed in school.

48. i'm graduating this year

49. i didn't starve.

50. i'm clumsy.

51. i always put a little make-up.

52. Sometimes i have trouble sitting still.

53. i played clarinet in a band in high school.

54. i love music.

55. i make up silly words for songs.

56. i often sing them out loud.

57. Yes, even when i'm not alone.

58. i like to dance with my dogs.

59. i consider myself conservative.

60. Other people don't.

61. i've always adored sex.

62. Even though i'm still a virgin.

63. i'm not a morning person.

64. i drink my coffee with milk.

65. i like skirts.

66. Not the short ones.

67. i love sandals too.

68. i worry a lot.

69. i don't own a hairbrush.

70. i have naturally straight hair.

71. i'm vain.

72. i make really good spaghetti with meat sauce.

73. i have three sisters.

74. My mother is an only child.

75. i used to think my father was an only child too.

76. One day i'm going to write a novel.

77. i love movies.

78. i love dogs.

79. i love cats too but I am allergic.

80. i adore ice hockey and figure skating.

81. i hate smokers.

82. i've lived in the same general geographic area for 20 years.

83. i am irrationally fearful of heights.

84. i like pepperoni and mushrooms on my pizza.

85. i rate Chinese restaurants based on the quality of their hot and sour soup.

86. i have a short attention span.

87. i enjoy playing video games, especially role-playing ones.

88. i love music games.

89. i have small feet.

90. And small hands too.

91. My girlfriend loves my hands.

92. i love hers, too. Along with the rest of her.

93. i really want to live closer to the ocean.

94. i love the beach in all seasons.

95. My computer is my friend.

96. i hope to grow old gracefully.

97. im so confused right now.

98. i want to spend the rest of my life with Francesca.

99. i love my girlfriend.

100. Yes, she's my sister too.

Which type of lesbian are you?

2006-04-14T11:40:00.000+08:00

You're a Lipstick Lesbian!
You're the one all the guys want and you like to let them know they can't have you. You're quite popular and you've got good hair. I hate you, but OH how I love you. Let's dance together at prom, you sexy bitch.

=)

yay! new layout

2006-04-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

i made this in 5 mins. lol. i'll edit the side bar tomorrow.

Today's highlight was that i finally got to commute home by myself, which brings me to another level of feeling like I can conquer the world just kidding. i was very fearful at first. This fear will take {many} more commuting rides to wane and disappear..Or not... because I sort of fear the big, bad world.

Sat-in in Cai's math class today and I love it so much more than my own math class... I even took notes... Haha. Franz, Cai, and I kind of kept buzzing most of the time, and for that I apologize to the people we possibly bothered.

Quitting!? again.

2006-04-12T08:49:00.001+08:00

Yep, im qutting ro again. sieges are the only reason i play anyway, and after the so called 'RPC' started, it hasn't been all that fun. why wouldn't pRO mimick iRO's USRC? straight up PVP tournament, no AGIT LORD shit. no WILD CARD shit. oh yes, the reason i can think of is money, 5 months of agit lords + 6 months of wild card = a lot of money. anyway, i cant endure 2 hours of lag, trashtalks and whatnot anymore. I'll still be actively botting though. =p

This morning my CoP static party finished Mission 8-4 to close out Chains of Promathia. I did the 'victory lap,' got my Tamas Ring and ended the story arc. yay. promathia missions are fun because its so summoner friendly. The only thing i hate is he always AoE debuff. Yuki always recast protectara and shellra, must be hell for her. anyway, i managed to land a flow on him, "diamond dust". <3 and i always have carby out most of the time (carby tanking promathia), its free mp for me =)
I cant wait for treasures, blue mages!!!

This weekend me and my friends are planning for some raiding on blackrock, moltencore and etc. i wish i can complete my transcendence set. i already have the halo and the leggings. 6 more to go. i want to have an epic mount too. =(
I cant wait for the burning crusade, wisps!!! lol.

geeky.

love. love. love.

2006-04-07T22:04:00.000+08:00

this afternoon, as i was on my way to the drug store to buy medicine for my cold, headache and fever, and a betadine for my knife-cut. i chanced upon a very interesting tricycle driver.

he was of middle age, between late 30's to early 40's i think. he had a very easy smile, and he was not arrogant nor snobbish. i was fixing my bandage, when he struck a conversation with me, telling me how wonderful his trips were that day, since all of them didn't require him to travel to far places in bel-air. he was telling me how nice his day was, and i was kind of taken aback at his positivity.

this is one unique driver, i said to myself. halfway through our conversation, with me explaining to him how i got my cut, he butted in and asked my how my boyfriend was doing. i laughed, and said i don't have one anymore.

"Sa ganda mong 'yan, aba, hindi pwedeng wala kang boyfriend!"

that statement made me smile and appreciate him more. i was feeling really down yesterday, and unknown to the driver, he somehow managed to uplift my spirit. we continued to talk about my choice to not be in a relationship as of the moment, when he suddenly talked about his love life...

"Ang unang asawa ko ang minahal ko ng sobra. Sa kanya ako dead na dead."

Whoa. i asked him how many wives he's had, when he smiled his very toothy grin and told me he had three. Aba! Ibang klase rin 'tong mokong na 'toh! Hahaha. but, of the three, he loved (and still loves) the first. i guess first love really never dies, huh?

he told me about his kids, and how they all were first kids.. haha. we had a very light-hearted conversation about the stupidities of our love lives, when he dropped another bomb into the conversation.

"Sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa kanya, nabilanggo ako."

uh-oh. hearing a confession this big out of the blue is something that's big enough to make you think about the extent of your love for someone. i asked him why, and he said that he killed his wife's paramour. DING-DING-DING.

"Hindi ko ma.gets kung bakit niya ako niloko. tinanong ko nga sa sarili ko, hindi pa ba sapat ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya? sa sobrang selos ko, napatay ko 'yung lalaki niya."

when i heard those words, i couldn't believe my ears. here i was, baring souls with a man who spent 8 years of his life in prison for killing a man! he was an ex-convict! and i suddenly felt myself stiffen... should i continue our talk? or should i shut up and just focus on getting to the store alive?

he must have noticed the sudden change of air, because he told me things that appeased my uneasy self. :)

"wag kang mag-alala, mabait na ako. nagbagong buhay na ako, para sa anak namin." and he said these words gently, with a smile, and i couldn't help but believe him. then we continued to talk about his life right after he got freed from jail, and how seeing her with a new guy broke his heart, but he chose not to dwell on it for their kid's sake.

"hindi ako galit sa kanya. mahal ko pa rin siya hanggang ngayon, at nagpapasalamat na lang akong nagkaroon kami ng anak. sa anak namin ko na lang ibinubuhos ang lahat ng pagmamahal."

when we finally reached the drug store near jupiter, i thanked him for such a wonderful conversation and told him that he was such an interesting man. he smiled shyly and accepted the fare i handed to him. with one last pahabol, he said to me:

"pareho kaming nag-take ng drugs noon. doon kami nagka-inlaban."

and he sped off with a jovial grin.

now, that must be the sweetest thing. <3.

Wake up sleepy head.

2006-04-07T09:07:00.000+08:00

im sad and heartbroken, i dont wanna wake up this morning.

My family is on Punta Fuego, and they left me here at home because im sick. *sigh* bye bye beach. huhu. this is so sad and pathetic.

i kinda like this guy alot but he doesn't like me. He likes this other girl and when they're together I feel like the 3rd wheel. i hate it when he gives me so much attention when the girl he likes is not around and then completely ignore me when they're together.

i slept at like 1am last night. i really waited for the RO server to come up. it was so worth it, bots are working again. i guess Level-Up lost their eggs, seems like bella's alchy will be a creator after all.

summer classes starts on monday. @_@ gosh.. math+summer???!! plus this hotness. this will not be a fun summer.

!@#$%

2006-04-01T17:43:00.000+08:00

Today I got my math finals test result, and ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this was my score:

not a 36,

22? Nice try,

19? Nope..

15/100. I want to cry and laugh. Actually I am still in shock, and in denial.

early morning depression

2006-03-31T07:18:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think to myself about how i should probably update my blog a lot more. okay maybe all those times have been at 11:00 at night when i've displayed my utmost procrastinating abilities while still working in my chemistry homework. and by that, i mean actually writing stuff that is neither deep nor thought provoking but still not posting those quizzes such as "which victoria's secret angel are you?" fine, fine, i admit to trying one of those quizzes once (or maybe twice) but the point is i'm trying to write a blog here. yes, actually COMPOSE. updating often isnt as easy as it seems, though. not when all of you are depending on me to entertain you in some way. unfortunately, today is not a day for entertainment. im going to do something i rarely do: im going to write about my day err yesterday (more commonly known as the today i ate three apples and they were tasty approach).

i was in a funk for most of the day to be honest, i dont know what it is, but im guessing it was nervousness and lack of sleep. this led to me doing a terrible job on my thesis presentation, which in turn made me very embarrassed and sad, which made me pouty which is why im whining. yes, very good paula, the first step is recognition. now on to me stopping whining and moving on to something more interesting. i ate three apples today. the first two were tasty, and the third? eh. not so much.

random topic change: what the fuck is happening to ragnarok now? it used to be a fun game where i am willing spend sleepless nights just to play it. now it is like whats the point, i even get bored of WoE after 30 minutes? now not to turn this in a nostalgic moment (i know beta days are fun), the addition of both npcs(ligaya and donita) is just stupid, i've been to geffen going to aldebaran and it took me 20 minutes just to find and click where the kafra lady is. i know, i know, i abuse it too, but it has to stop now. the game is already stupid as it is before donita and ligaya. now it is worse. and for the 343546th time im thinking of qutting ro.

since im quite the ADD writer, i cant really stay on the same topic for a while. in fact, im ADD about a lot of things. chance must be the only constant element or else i'll proably get bored. so as much as my english teachers have taught me, ill start my next topic not with an exciting attention getter or topic sentence, but instead "lets move on. nexxxt topic." i can see hardin cringing already. our family watched nanny mcphee last night, last full show on glorietta, and it was fun. it's been a while where we all went to the mall and watch a movie since everyone is always busy, but last night everyone took a time off (even ate claire). the movie was ok, i was half asleep anyway. G4 is very nice at night, not so much people, i wish that would be like a weekly thing from now on.

hey. its a new paragraph. so guesss what? NEXT TOPIC. i really should work on coming up with something more creative. on the other hand, if you're still reading, you're obviously not one to worry about creativity, much less, entertainment. i've been single for quite a while. well, for me, at least. its not that i think im better than everyone else, or that nobody seems suitable, its simply that ive been easily irked by relationships in general. im surrounded by relationships that i just am terrified of becoming. for example: the kids that are always breaking up and getting back together. pick one, work with it. this is not some made-for-tv boxoffice bomb soap opera type love story. then there are people who are together for for, say, a year, then break up for few months, then get back together and then celebrate being together for a year and a half. you have not been together a year and a half if the half was potentially spent seeing other people.

suprisingly, i have so much more to say, but i really should go. besides, i feel sort of lame for writing something that nobody is gonna read anyways. maybe next time. so stay tuned for another episode of "today i ate three apples."

is this love?

2006-03-30T11:24:00.000+08:00

You tell someone you love them, and they say “I love you too.” You could be talking to someone you’ve known forever or simply someone that’s captured your attention for the time being. Does it matter? What is love exactly? Love is butterflies in your stomach. Love is your head spinning. Love is forever, and forever is the only word that does love justice. Love has been overused so much, its meaning is starting to become lost, and when someone tells you they love you, you have to think twice about wether or not they actually mean it.

Love is misunderstood. At the risk of coming out on a limb here, and defining for you what love truly means, im going to tell you that your definition of love right now is probably wrong. It’s not about how far you go with someone, or how long you’ve been together. It’s about how much you care and whether or not you always will care. When you’re in love with someone, you have no choice but to care for them forever. Love is accepting them no matter what, and still being there to catch them when they fall. Love is holding them while they cry. When a person just stops talking to another after a breakup, it’s obvious that they were never in love.

If loving ends at goodbye, it wasn’t there to begin with.

again with the stupud surveys.

2006-03-29T17:35:00.000+08:00

oh boy, here we ago again =)

1. FIRST NAME
Paula Sophia Veronica. yes, i have three first names.

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
nobody.

3. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
always.

4. WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE?
pinkie. tehehe.

5. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
last night.

6. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
not exactly.

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
chicken.

8. ANY BAD HABITS?
i bite my nails.

9. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Sandara Park. but im telling the world. so im not embarrassed.

10. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
no, i think id hate me. that's a bad sign, i know. but i get along with different personalities.

11. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
umm. dont think so. not anything major, at least.

12. DO LOOKS MATTER?
i hate to say it, but everyone knows they do.

13. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
i throw things. or scream.

14. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
apartment on katipunan.

15. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
unfortunately. i should have put this in my bad habits. i always get screwed over for trusting too easily.

16. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
a doll, i forgot her name =|

17. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS?
nothing. I heart school.

18. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL?
this one?. and sometimes i write in an actual journal, but i dont get extra credit for writing anymore, so its getting dusty.

19. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
no.

(yes, i do. i hope you caught it.)

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
yeah. and ouch.

21. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
i hate cocky boys with oversized ego's. i love boys that get excited to see me, and still have the bit of child in them, yet are still in tuned enough to my emotions to have a mature conversation with me. they must must must be able to make me laugh on the moodiest of days. id like them to have a bit of a tough side, too. its always cute to see your boyfriend so badass when you know he's really a softie at heart. id love for him to be willing to do something completely insane with me without thinking twice. he's got to have a sense of adventure. my friends have to love him, as well as my parents. he's gotta be honest && he's gotta be playful.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
nobody at the moment.

23. HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON ANYONE?
umm. well here's the story. back in sixth grade, i was going out with someone, but i met someone at school who asked me out, and i said yes, and then another guy asked me out, and i said yes. so tecnically i was going out with three people at the same time. oh how hectic. but i dont really think it counts since none of them really talked to me anyways.

24-28 is missing?

29. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
one.

30. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
isabella and karen.

31. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
pshh yeahhh.

33. LAST THING YOU ATE?
donuts.

34. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
cheska.

35. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE SAME SEX?
eyes and their smile.

36. DO YOU LOVE THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS?
me? i love me.

37. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
down. disappoited. the exam is hard.

38. FAVORITE DRINK?
margeritas. daquiris are good too. anything ice blended and buzz-ish.
C2, Pepsi Max, Slurpee.

40. FAVORITE SPORT?
ice hockey. i used to play it.

42. EYE COLOR?
black? ech. boring no?

43. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
nuh uh. im kind of in denial about how bad my eyes are.

44. SIBLINGS?
big sis. two little sis.

45. FAVORITE MONTH?
feb. love month.

46. FAVORITE FOOD?
gummy bears, leche flan.

47. LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED?
eat bulaga. bulagaan =)

48. FAVORITE HOLIDAY
my birthday. yes, its a holiday.

49. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
well i dont think shyness is an issue. im an old fashioned kid. i think the boys should do all the asking. (and it doesnt help that im terrified of rejection).

50. SUMMER OR WINTER?
SUMMER! bikinis, beaches, and summer flings. it cant get any better.

51. HUGS OR KISSES?
kisses. definately kisses. hugs are overused and they dont mean as much as they used to.

52. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
if you asked me this last year, i would have said one night stands, hands down. no commitments, freedom, yadda yadda. but ask me now. and id have to say a relationship would be nice. we all love a night in shining armor, someone to hold, someone to kiss whenever we want.

Cops are Creepy

2006-03-29T06:25:00.000+08:00

Yesterday marks my first traffic violation.

I was driving my sister, brother-in-law, and cousin in the fort area, then a yellow light came on, so I slowed down... but then it turned red. But I was on the yellow-line-Xed area (do you call that the intersection?) and I know you aren't supposed to stop there (my friend Maynard got caught there I think heehee!) I was on the wrong lane too because we weren't supposed to turn that way, so I just kept going.... Then, to my horror, a cop made us stop.. And I was shivering when I got out of the car (I had to dig out my license pa from my school bag), and I explained what I meant and didn't mean to do, and I said I was sorry and wouldn't do it again, then to my increased horror I started to cry!!

Why did I do that? The other cop came and they started making fun out of how long my name was, and he asked me what my nickname was *shudder*, and I told him I just got my license, then he acknowledged how hard I worked for it, and they do their jobs too, but I couldn't stop the tears from flowing HAHA . They let me go without having to surrender my license or anything. I just don't know why I cried.

My violation was swerving and passing on a red light.

nyaoo~ stupid survey!

2006-03-28T07:19:00.000+08:00

Havn't posted in a while. i was working on a layout for a friend then i remembered i have a blog too. LOL

i copied this from Cheska.
i have a weird love for stupid surveys so... i had to take it as soon as i saw it :(

1. Do you have a lot of makeup?
yes i think i spend most of my money on, i mostly only buy l'oréal or else the really expensive stuff but that stuff... not so often. :s

2. How much do you put on?
whenever i leave my house... but not really that much.

3. How long does it take you to get ready?
1 hour to 1 1/2 hour rofl.. i don't know why, i dont really do anythign with my hair but it just takes me that long >_>

4. Do you put on a lot of lip gloss?
no it's too sticky nd my hair sticks in it and i dont like that at all :x

5. Does your lipgloss smell good?
i have 1 lip gloss i think, the tutti dolci one that smells like frosting @_@

6. Do you carry a purse?
yes. i cant live without my phone and some other stuff! although i'd really rather have a clutch

7. What color is it?
black

8. Do you have a Coach bag?
nope :3

9. Do you have a Louis Vuitton?
i have one given as a gift from my tita.

10. How many purses do you have?
4

11. Do you like to wear nail polish?
not really. i just buff my nails and it looks like clear polish.

12. How often do you get your nails done?
1 time a year or less lol

13. Do you like manicures?
yes! i want a french one, those are the prettiest i think =x

14. Do you like pedicures?
yes but i dont get them often

15. Do you have a usual nail salon you go to?
no

16. Where do you get your hair cut?
david's lol~

17. Do you dye your hair?
nope! dying is ugly. =x

18. Do you straighten your hair?
no it's so straight i cant get it to curl in even 4 hours.

19. Do you have lots of pairs of shoes?
yes. i have boots and sandals and pumps and anything else you can imagine rofl XD

20. What are your favourite shoes?
i guess flip-flops lol

21. Do you wear heels everywhere?
no but sometimes i do.

22. Can you walk in heels and not fall over?
yes, as long as the heal isnt so skinny.. like the one of that bebe shoe... or whatever it was, don't remember XD

23. Where do you buy your clothes?
ohgod D: where do i start? charlotte russe.. uhh... jcpenney, tigerlily, everything on the mall, unica hija, kamiseta and sometimes online if there's something i really want but can't get... i still have yet to buy clothes in france =
24. Do you go shopping every week?
yes, since i go to the mall everyday, its hard not to.

25. What's your favourite store?
i don't really have one.

26. How much do you usually spend?
haha

27. Have you ever been in Dior?
yeah

28. Do you follow fashion trends?
only if i like it. but some clothes are hard to help.

29. Do you have a pair of huge sunglasses?
yes =)

30. Do you wear hoop earrings?
once in a while as long as they're not huge

31. Do you have a lot of skirts?
yes... like 8 or 9, and i like wearing them. too bad they're so short (some of them)

32. Do you get your eyebrows done?
no i do it myself.

33. Can you apply mascara without opening your mouth?
yeah.. uhhh.. people can't do that? XD

34. Do you wear lots of eyeliner?
no, just a little bit

35. Do you like Pilates or Yoga?
i don't ever do it

36. Do you have a lot of magazines?
yes >_>

woe screens

2006-01-31T22:21:00.000+08:00

Well, before the seige today, I told myself to get screens. Half of the time during the siege, I was doing Janna's assignments. (so.. I forgot to take screens and only got 2, lol) ~_~ anyway, my head hurts so bad so i'm not gonna make this a long post =

My uber-damage (lol, I had damage enabled on woe =P)
After the Siege (we sucessfully defended the agit!)

And just to post my priesty stats and stuff lol~ finally level 97!~ (2 more to go, lol like 500m exp to go =\)
Click!~

Promise I'll change the layout by Friday xD good night~~!

omg O.o

2006-01-29T20:36:00.000+08:00

Blogger just ate up about 3/4 of my posts here =(
Is this what I get for not posting for so long. lol

oh 3x experience... wtf?

2006-01-29T20:01:00.000+08:00

I finally got Internet!

First of all, I haven't posted for a along time, sorry. I revived my old layout from a year ago, I haven't changed anything (including the tag board and my profiles). While reading my old profiles, I cant believe that I wrote those things. I changed so much, for one, last year I was cursing and telling myself not to play RO anymore, now im addicted to it again.

Im here on Boston.. grrr.. so cold. Nobody told me that its this cold here. Im getting colds and stuffs =\ guess I need some getting used to. I dunno until when I will be here. I brought ten 350 pesos level up cards, just in case. The school thing is still messed up, I might not be able to start this term =3.

pRO has modified experince again. I HATE IT!. It pressures me to level-up, =\ (I know, I know, but I level-up much faster than bots, bot are stupid! well at least my bots. I have no config powers, my bot just runs around and die. lol. See why I failed computer programming classes). Anyway, I played alot the past week and blah, my high-priesty is still not 99 (haha i wish, well she's 97 now, thanks to the leeching-off on my cousins), We must have killed 40,000 turtles and rabbits this past week!!

Im made a battle-sage last saturday (the moment I arrived here), well since I got nothing to do on my spare time here and still got no school. I wanna make her a Professor. But my first priority would be to level-up Tsuki(my battle high priestess) to 99 (haha, i think its impossible).

Ligaya

2005-12-22T19:52:00.000+08:00

Yay my High Priest and Assasin Cross finally crossed the lvl 70 mark and is now on the 70-grind. (3~5m experince needed per level -_-) GOD. levelling is so SLLLOOOWWW.. i am maybe lvl 70 but it feels like level 80 experience-wise. I hate you gravity! *rawr*, good thing it is 4x experience now and its 5x next week. My current goal is to make those two level 99 before I go to the United States. =)

On other things, Ultraelectromagneticjam is the best album ever!!1 My favorite are Kitchie's Ligaya, Imago's Spolarium, Juris' Huwag mo nang itanong and Sugarfree's Tikman. I love Eraserheads, I grew up with their song.

I went on clara's place this afternoon to return some mangas and I was suprised that she still plays FFxi. O_o 2 years? Your the best taru-taru Paladin ever~! haha. how much merit points do you have now? You must have completed it now. I miss the old FFxi days, especially when we were doing the Genkais and killing Fenrir over and over till we get my summon. =P

and Gratz on the new laptop kuya markku! =)

Starting Over

2005-12-20T19:40:00.000+08:00

Im back to the blogging world, since im too lazy to write on my diary manually and Im so bored (because of christmas vacation). Blog is named Limited Hate, It's an old domain name of mine, when I was like 14 yrs old when i first made websites and was still good at making one (I suck so bad now). It's basically the opposite of "Endless Love". (get it?) I must warn you that this blog will be most about RO, since that is what I do everday.

I went to my ninong this afternoon (ninong=godfather) and he gave me 500 pesos as a gift for christmas!! ^o^ yay!. Too bad the 500 is gone now, i bought a Greenwich Primo Pizza 200, Ragnarok Card 100, 2 box of Cream'O (covered with chocolate) 100 and 4 small Fruit Express 100.

I'll be watching an Everybody Loves Raymond mini-marathon at 8pm with Nica. I love that show, yesterday's episode was so funny. I dunno my addiction for anime just went to those american/brit sitcoms. @_@ I'll kill if I ever miss an episode of Scrubs, Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens, Becker, 8 Simple Rules and Who's Line.

And oh, if you have cable watch "banzai!" on ETC (i think). The japanese-english alone is so funny. BANZAI!! (its a show about japanese screwing-off americans) =P

fruitcake
eraserheads

there's a fruitcake for everybody
there's a fruitcake for everyone
there's a b-side for every story if you deside's
to have some fun

just take a bite it's alright there's some brandy and star margarine to make it bright
take a bite its alright a little lovin and some fruit to bake life is a peace of cake

its a season for being happy but the reason is dead and gone but the reason for being happy take a back seat when the seasons done

just take a bite it's alright tastes the taste that send all mother's giggling in sheer delight take a bite it's alright a little lovi'n and some fruit to bake life is a piece of cake

everybody evry where people do you really care chrismast time is one's again arrive (2x)
mistletow in the snow people are getting down in fruit cake hites (2x)

stars are falling down from heaven but its no need near are town miracles are falling down from heaven but its no need near are town

there's a fruitcake for everybody
there's a fruitcake for everyone
there's a b-side for every story but the story is just begone so take a bite its alright a little lovin and some fruit to bake life is a piece of cake